Monthly Archives: May 2011

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Divorce Parenting

Single Mom, You are Enough.

Tonight I watched the Oprah show on children of divorce and it ripped my heart out.

The first time I saw these little kids I must of still been married and I know I cried then too. But as I listened to this little boy, pour his heart out about what it was like to have his mom walk out of his life, my heart broke for him and my own children. The little boy then 4 years old saying “I wish my mom never had a boyfriend, your not supposed to be with another person when your married”. I know that no matter what I do for my children there must be part of them that will always feel that way about their dad. Watching that little boy, you think how could a parent EVER have an affair? How could they EVER choose the love of a lover over the love of their own child?

It blows my mind. Like can’t wrap my brain around it at all.

From where that child sits it is the most selfish thing on earth. I wonder if my children’s dad has ever thought of that? Knowing the hole they will always have in their heart because the cold hard truth is their dad, then and now chose another women over them.

I want so badly to fill that hole for them. I wish I could. I wish I knew how, or was capable of it. But the fact is I can’t. I can’t control their dad, I can’t force him to make them a priority or put them first or spend time with them. I can’t ask him to play ball with his son the way he used to, or even spend 5 minutes a visit of alone time with him where she is not present. I can’t. I hate that I can’t make him do that. Cant make him see the damage it causes. Cant make him care.

Single parents..You are enough.

But what I can do, is play ball one on one with my son. Yeah I’m a mom and not his dad, but if that’s what matters to him then I can learn to throw a spiral. I can practice my passing game and defensive blocks, I can pitch the ball. I can put the mitt on and play catch. And I do. I can learn about Poky Mon, or listen to him read Diary of a Wimpy Kid. I can talk to him at bed time when I tuck him in and we lay side by side for a little while, talking about his day. I can tell him everyday of his life that he is an amazing human and that there’s not a prouder mother to be found on the planet.

I’m not his dad.  I can’t be. He will always want and miss and need his dad. I can’t fix that.

But tonight I heard the Dr. tell that dad on Oprah “your ENOUGH. All you single parents out there doing the best job you can YOU ARE ENOUGH”. There are no words to express how deeply I needed someone to tell me that. You’d think it’s common sense, that of course I’d know that I’m doing the best I can so that’s good enough. But as a single parent you are isolated from the world, you don’t have people tell you that on a regular basis. You don’t have people around you who see you BE a mother all the time.

You don’t get validation.

So you beat yourself up day and night and question everything. You have mental wars with yourself, if you were too harsh that time, if you weren’t the next. All of that stuff, you just don’t know if your doing it right, so hearing that tonight shook me.

If our kids learn their worth from us, then I want my kids to grow up:

Confident.
Strong.
Slightly defiant.
Respectful.
Helpful.
Kind.
And fabulous!single mom struggles

I want them to ALL (son and my daughters) to be able to cook a great meal, know the kind of manners that they can socialize with the best of ’em and no one will ever know they were educated in public schools!
I want them to know how to defend themselves and each other.
I want them to know the meaning of family, love and loyalty.
I want them to LOVE themselves, and accept themselves.
I want them to be self-sufficient at a young age, able to survive and take care of themselves in a crisis if god-forbid something happened to me.
I want them to be bold and fearless.
I want them to be coach-able and wise.
I want them to know that ANYTHING is possible, want them to believe in magic.
If any of this is who they grow up to be then I will be so happy.
And at the end of the day when my little brood leaves my nest and they ARE these people, because these are the people I have raised them to be, then I will know….I was enough.


Sarah Centrella is the author of the book Hustle Believe Receive which teaches you how to apply the #HBRMethod to change your life and live your dream.

Follow on social media: Instagram | Twitter | Snapchat | Pinterest | YouTube |Periscope @sarahcentrella

Dating

Sarah’s Dating Advise

Sarah's dating advice
ahhh the good times…

I get letters almost every day from women around the world who, though their individual stories are unique what they are going through is the same. Their question is the same.

Their question is this, Will The Law of Attraction make the man I love:

A.      Love me back?
B.      Come back when he has left or ended the relationship?
C.      Make him change his mind and want me after all?
D.      How do I make Law of Attraction fix this relationship?

And my answer is this: No. It probably won’t fix your relationship. Here are some signs that will help you  know if he’s “Over you/the relationship” if he:
  • Stops texting/calling first. 
  • Stops replying the way he used to, messages are less frequent, less flirtations, and generally less “connected”. 
  • Says he “needs space”
  • Stops using endearing terms as frequently or without prompting.
  • Gets annoyed more often.
  • TELLS you he’s annoyed with you.
  • Stops pursuing you
  • Stops making contact or replying when you contact him.
  • Says he is done.
If he does any or all of these things…THE SECRET IS NOT GOING TO BRING HIM BACK!  He is OVER it! He has moved on already in his mind. The more you pursue him, the more you want him, the more unattractive you’ll become to him. If you push him, and don’t give him the space he needs he will become almost instantly repulsed in a way. It’s this strange tug of war, we want him more when he does that, and he wants us less. It’s this disruptive cycle where we look more and more desperate and he feels more and more trapped and stalked.
So no, the Law of Attraction is not going to fix this hot mess! There are 2 options here. I strongly suggest you use option #1. if you really believe in the Law of Attraction, and have strong faith. If you’re not quite there yet, then use option #2. But follow it EXACTLY.
Dump him if….

Option #1. Everything Happens for a Reason, HE IS NOT THE ONE. MOVE ON.

The Secret teaches us that, what our heart truly desires is what the Universe goes about creating for us. So here is where faith comes in. You need to be able to trust that even though you love him, and you want HIM, that HE is not the one the Universe is working to give to you. You want a loving trusting mutually happy relationship right? The one described above is NOT that. It may have been at one point, but by the time it’s come to this, it no longer is. So you need to look at this in the Big Picture and say “ok I trust that you know what’s good for me better than I do, something better must be out there for me”. Then find the strength to walk away.
It will get easier I promise you. It will hurt less and less every single day, until one day your heart stops bleeding. It just aches. Then one day you realize that it just hurts when “your song” comes on the radio, or his team is playing on Sunday night, or whatever. Then slowly, you only hurt periodically, and you drunk dial him less…. Then the day comes when you catch the eyes of the guy at Starbucks checking you out and you realize, “I’m still alive”. And you move on.
That’s when there is an open door for the Universe to give you the desire of your heart. But it all takes time. It works on its own time; you just need to know that it WILL COME.
Option #2. Play The Game.
I personally hate playing games, and have no patience for them. But men LOVE them (note: every man alive will say “hell no I don’t! I hate women that play games” …but then you say “what are you attracted to?” They say “a challenge”. Ladies, “a challenge” IS “playing games”!) So here’s how you get him back if it’s worth getting and if you can’t handle option #1.  
Dating advice.  play hard to get.
play hard to get…

If he seems to be losing interest “slipping away”:

  • Stop contacting him first.
  • Respond slower and less frequently to his texts, take longer than normal to call him back.
  • Forget to say “good night or good morning” (just play the “I’m so busy card” if he calls you out on it).
  • Change your plans. If you had plans with him, change them semi-last minute
  • Generally come across as busy, distracted, less interested, aloof like you really don’t care one way or the other.
Yes I am FULLY aware that what you want to do, and HAVE been doing is the exact opposite of all this. He’s doing this to you, so when he contacts you your instant reaction is to text back in 2 seconds. To try to make plans with him (not brake the ones you have for god’s sake!) so yes I know this will take a hell of a lot of will-power on your part. But it’s your ONLY hope. You need to get the upper hand back and it’s the only way it will change his quickly fading interest.
The key is when he starts coming back around; you need to be really careful not to revert back to your old ways. Stay strong and ease back into it. Guys hate “needy and clingy” so go slow, remain a challenge. You’re probably saying “but what if it doesn’t work and I lose him forever??” My answer is, honey you already lost him! He was gone. This is a last ditch effort to see if you can get his attention and affection back. If it doesn’t work then use Option #1.
If he said he needs space or broke up with you:

Simply say “Ok. I respect that and I want to give you your space. You know how I feel about you and that won’t change. I am going to go about my life, if and when you’re ready let me know if I’m not involved then we can see if there is still potential there. I love you but I’ll let you go, we can be friends”.

Don’t doooooo it…… don’t cave!
  • Then LET HIM GO.
  • Don’t contact him.
  • Don’t call in the middle of the night after a bottle of red wine!
  • Don’t text 67 messages at the club after too many tequila shots.
  • Don’t stalk him on Facebook.
  • Don’t email him.
  • Don’t Tweet him.
  • Don’t Google him.
  • Don’t ping him on Skype or Yahoo.
  • DO NOT CONTACT HIM!!!!
  • If he contacts you, be slow and cool in your response. Not bitchy, but friend like. After all you’re respecting his wishes.
Yes I KNOW this is killing you. I know this will seem impossible to do. I personally think this is so much harder than just walking away and trusting the Universe to deliver something better. But it’s the only thing that might bring him back around.
Guys want what they can’t have. They love the chase. If you go about your life pretending to be happy, pretending to be fine, and he still cares for you…this will be just the ticket to get him back. He will see you moving on, when he thought you’d stay home with your face to the floor crying all day long (in reality this might be true, but he should NEVER know this).
Pretend! Pretend! Pretend! The more you do, the more it will actually be true. You will actually BE ok. And when he sees that you’re ok, you’ll be attractive to him again.
happy ending
Happy dating!

As long as you’re needy, clingy and unwilling to face the reality of the situation, he will want to run from you like the plague. Remember the tighter you try to hold on to him the faster he is going to lace up his Nike’s and make a run for it.

 So relax. Let him go.
If it’s meant to be he’ll come back to you. If not you will be better off and in the right state of mind to receive MR right when the Universe delivers him to you.P.S. Do I have to state the obvious?? Why do you want someone so badly who clearly doesn’t want you? Ladies…He is OUT THERE. Just have enough faith that you can let the bad go so the good can come. You will be OK I promise, time really does heal all wounds.

Happy dating!
**Wondering if I can take my own dating advice?? Read Who said drunk-dialing was a bad idea??


Sarah Centrella is the author of the book Hustle Believe Receive which teaches you how to apply the #HBRMethod to change your life and live your dream.

Follow on social media: Instagram | Twitter | Snapchat | Pinterest | YouTube |Periscope @sarahcentrella

Dating Parenting Relationships

A Letter To Oprah

Dear Oprah,
a letter to Oprah
Oprah

I don’t even know how to begin. I feel like my life at 35 is literally a conglomerate of what you and your guest have taught me. I watched the Ultimate Guest show you just did, and I remember most of those shows and those moments ABSOLUTELY were life changing for me.

In particular the women who’s baby died in the car. I think of that story almost daily, and my awareness as a parent of mine and even other children is now completely different than before I saw it. Toni Morrison’s words about “does your face light up” when you see your child, has been the voice in the back of my head
through all the difficult times I’ve gone through as a mother. I strive not to show it on my face and to give my children the light in my eyes. But even today in the replay I caught something new, that it’s not enough to light up the first time they walk into the room, but EVERY time. That hit me like a mac truck. I know so many times I don’t pay attention like I should, when my children talk, or show me something.  I thought lighting up that first time was enough, I didn’t realize my lack of undivided attention was robing them of their innocence.I without question learn something new EVERY show.

I think I’m an Ultimate Viewer, because I’ve not been a passive viewer. It makes me cry as I write this, but every piece of wisdom that has caused a light to go on in my mind, has been one I’ve tried to implement in my life. There are days when it’s hard and we are tested, but a clip from a show will come into my mind and it will be what I need in that moment.
You have taught me HOW to be a nurturing mother. This is not something I learned from mine.
You taught me how to sneak goodness into my children’s food, how to slow down and appreciate them.
You taught me, (the day before I found out), what the signs were to look for in a cheating husband. I looked for them and I discovered his affair the next day, by going through the shows check list.You showed me other women that cry the “ugly” cry on their bathroom floors, even as I cry it now.  They gave me strength to stop hyperventilating, and stand up.

You showed me how to make it through a divorce. How to re-learn to be a mother, now that I was a single working one. You acknowledged that it’s the hardest job in the world. You validated me.
You gave me faith and hope when I had NONE.  You taught me that I can have permission to dream, even dream big (something I didn’t think I deserved to do before). You gave me the “how” I followed the steps and I dreamed.  I began to believe, to change my mindset and change my life.
You taught me how to recycle, how to coupon shop!
You taught me how to READ. I don’t think I had read a book for pleasure ever before you started your book club. I bought every single one, and started reading. My first book was “She’s Come Undone” to this day I still LOVE Wally Lamb.  I learned that books were interesting, engrossing, sad, emotional and relatable. I loaded them out, just had to share them. You taught me that.You taught me, that even when tested beyond measure (I lost my job this week out of the blue and from no fault of my own and have 3 small children to support), how that if I can still say “thank you” (which I have been all week) that my “faith is strong and nothing can break me” I needed to hear that, and I just did.

 I learned how to buy a bra! Thank god!
I learned that 35 is not old! That the best is yet to come.
I learned how to be grateful, how to give thanks even when I had nothing.
I learned I am responsible for my choices and that I have the power to change my future outcomes.
I learned to take care of myself. I eat almonds! I trained for a marathon!
I learned that my thoughts are so much more powerful than I ever knew possible.
So I know you’re looking for an “Ultimate viewer” that did something dramatic like losing a bunch of weight (btw thanks you helped me do that too!)…but maybe what you should be looking for is AVERAGE viewers. Viewers who, like me, thanks to you, strive EVERYDAY to take all they have learned and change every part of their lives.
And Oprah when you do that, than you see that you have empowered not ONE person to do something amazing, but that you empower an army. You empowered me, and now I hope to empower others with the tools you have given me.
Thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for opening my life up to joy. To so many new ideas, and giving me the “how” to put it all into practice the best way I know how.  I truly am “living my best life”.
God bless you.
What has Oprah taught you??? Please leave your own list in the comments…I’d love to hear your stories.

Sarah Centrella is the author of the book Hustle Believe Receive which teaches you how to apply the #HBRMethod to change your life and live your dream.

Follow on social media: Instagram | Twitter | Snapchat | Pinterest | YouTube |Periscope @sarahcentrella

Dating Relationships

Things Girls Want Boys To Do

Tell her you love her in front of your friends.
When you say that you care… actually SHOW it.
Kiss and hug her throughout the day.
Open doors, send a good morning text, tell the truth, remain faithful & respect her.
Go shopping with her.
Appreciate the little things she does for you, even if you don’t love it… just appreciate the effort.
Engage her in intelligent conversation, share your wisdom.
What do girls want?
Call just to hear her voice.
Be morally focused.
Buy her cupcakes when she’s sad, or just because.
Love her right! Without games or lies.
Just love her.
Prove your not every other guy.
Protect her.
Kiss her in public.
Be there for her even if she says that she is “okay.”  We always say that to see how much you really care.
Tell the truth.
Be attentive.
Plan a date.
Make her smile.
 what girls really want.
Let her ware your coat.
Keep your word.
Interrupt her in mid-sentence with a kiss.
Don’t text or talk to other girls.
Notice all the ways she shows her love.
Clean-up after she cooks.
Hold her until she falls asleep. And be there when she wakes up.
Send her texts throughout the day just to make her smile.
Remember the things she says when she opens up to you.
Cook dinner and or breakfast for her.
Love her just the way she is…
what girls really want. dance with me.
Dance with her.
Bring her coffee in the morning.
Admit when you’re obviously, undeniably wrong.
Kiss her good night.
Text her goodnight.
Don’t be jealous, be protective.
Kiss her eyelids, when your holding her face in your hands.
Spoon her.
Hold hands.
Tell her she’s beautiful, often.
Open the door for her.
Make her feel like she’s the only girl in the world!
Hold her.
Let her cry in your neck.
Rub her back.
Love a man who can cook
Court her.
Meet her halfway.
Be a gentleman.
Listen when she talks.
Just be there. Show up.
Be on time. (If you’re running late, call or text!)
Make your girl laugh
Make her laugh!!!
Take her breath away. Make her heart stop.
Buy, pick, or send her flowers!
If you love her, fight for her.
Never let her go.


Sarah Centrella is the author of the book Hustle Believe Receive which teaches you how to apply the #HBRMethod to change your life and live your dream.

Follow on social media: Instagram | Twitter | Snapchat | Pinterest | YouTube |Periscope @sarahcentrella

Motivation & Inspiration My Stories

Sink or Swim.

Why does it always feel like it’s one step forward and a mile back? Like regardless of how far you’ve come there is always something looking to knock you down?

I thank god for The Secret or the Law of Attraction because without it, at this very moment I might want to sit down bury my head in my hands and cry. And cry. And not get up for an extended period of time.

If you are a regular reader of this blog, than you know that I go through all the same struggles as each of you, that’s what makes being part of my journey real and raw and hopefully relate-able.  Well I am yet again at one of those terrifying cross-roads in life. One of the “sink or swim moments” as I like to call them. And if it were not for the tools I have learned the past few years I would let the fear and doubt drive me crazy.

But I have tools thank god. Ones that make me KNOW in my heart of hearts, in my soul that “everything is gonna be alright”, as Bob Marley would say. I don’t know how. I now have no job, through no fault of my own. So that means no income.  I’m back to square one after all the work I’ve done to climb the ladder.

But this is the time when magic, grit and hustle happen. This is when I swim.

God, one quick request…..make me Micheal Phelps.
Please and Thank you.

Micheal Phelps -sink or swim
Micheal Phelps

 


Sarah Centrella is the author of the book Hustle Believe Receive which teaches you how to apply the #HBRMethod to change your life and live your dream.

Follow on social media: Instagram | Twitter | Snapchat | Pinterest | YouTube |Periscope @sarahcentrella

Dating Divorce Relationships Your Life Coach

Second Chances

I have always considered myself a person who believes in second chances. Believes in forgiveness, and that people have the potential to change. Of course there are circumstances where this would not apply, but I’d say generally I like to have an optimistic view of people. But the older I get, and the more betrayal I experience the more skeptical I become. 
So what is the line?  Where do you draw it in the sand so that you definitively know when someone crosses it? Thus allowing you to walk away with a clear conscience? Or is there one? 

I believe in boundaries and setting limits on how we allow people to treat us, but does this leave room for forgiveness and the possibility of change?  Once we have been burned, are we the fool if we give that person a second chance? Or are we all entitled to at least one?  

We all make mistakes. We all do stupid things sometimes that hurt the people we love. We have all acted out of emotion in the heat of the moment, and reacted poorly to situations that could have been avoided or handled differently. It’s human nature.
So how do you know when a second chance is warranted? And how do you begin to open the doors that closed when they were slammed shut upon exit?

If life is a sequence of lessons and opportunities to grow and learn from our mistakes, then maybe giving them a chance to prove they have changed is warranted. I DON’T however believe in unlimited second chances! They are called “second chances” for a reason, you only get two!

 

 


Sarah Centrella is the author of the book Hustle Believe Receive which teaches you how to apply the #HBRMethod to change your life and live your dream.

Follow on social media: Instagram | Twitter | Snapchat | Pinterest | YouTube |Periscope @sarahcentrella

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