Sarah’s Dating Advise

Sarah's dating advice
ahhh the good times…

I get letters almost every day from women around the world who, though their individual stories are unique what they are going through is the same. Their question is the same.

Their question is this, Will The Law of Attraction make the man I love:

A.      Love me back?
B.      Come back when he has left or ended the relationship?
C.      Make him change his mind and want me after all?
D.      How do I make Law of Attraction fix this relationship?

And my answer is this: No. It probably won’t fix your relationship. Here are some signs that will help you  know if he’s “Over you/the relationship” if he:
  • Stops texting/calling first. 
  • Stops replying the way he used to, messages are less frequent, less flirtations, and generally less “connected”. 
  • Says he “needs space”
  • Stops using endearing terms as frequently or without prompting.
  • Gets annoyed more often.
  • TELLS you he’s annoyed with you.
  • Stops pursuing you
  • Stops making contact or replying when you contact him.
  • Says he is done.
If he does any or all of these things…THE SECRET IS NOT GOING TO BRING HIM BACK!  He is OVER it! He has moved on already in his mind. The more you pursue him, the more you want him, the more unattractive you’ll become to him. If you push him, and don’t give him the space he needs he will become almost instantly repulsed in a way. It’s this strange tug of war, we want him more when he does that, and he wants us less. It’s this disruptive cycle where we look more and more desperate and he feels more and more trapped and stalked.
So no, the Law of Attraction is not going to fix this hot mess! There are 2 options here. I strongly suggest you use option #1. if you really believe in the Law of Attraction, and have strong faith. If you’re not quite there yet, then use option #2. But follow it EXACTLY.
Dump him if….

Option #1. Everything Happens for a Reason, HE IS NOT THE ONE. MOVE ON.

The Secret teaches us that, what our heart truly desires is what the Universe goes about creating for us. So here is where faith comes in. You need to be able to trust that even though you love him, and you want HIM, that HE is not the one the Universe is working to give to you. You want a loving trusting mutually happy relationship right? The one described above is NOT that. It may have been at one point, but by the time it’s come to this, it no longer is. So you need to look at this in the Big Picture and say “ok I trust that you know what’s good for me better than I do, something better must be out there for me”. Then find the strength to walk away.
It will get easier I promise you. It will hurt less and less every single day, until one day your heart stops bleeding. It just aches. Then one day you realize that it just hurts when “your song” comes on the radio, or his team is playing on Sunday night, or whatever. Then slowly, you only hurt periodically, and you drunk dial him less…. Then the day comes when you catch the eyes of the guy at Starbucks checking you out and you realize, “I’m still alive”. And you move on.
That’s when there is an open door for the Universe to give you the desire of your heart. But it all takes time. It works on its own time; you just need to know that it WILL COME.
Option #2. Play The Game.
I personally hate playing games, and have no patience for them. But men LOVE them (note: every man alive will say “hell no I don’t! I hate women that play games” …but then you say “what are you attracted to?” They say “a challenge”. Ladies, “a challenge” IS “playing games”!) So here’s how you get him back if it’s worth getting and if you can’t handle option #1.  
Dating advice.  play hard to get.
play hard to get…

If he seems to be losing interest “slipping away”:

  • Stop contacting him first.
  • Respond slower and less frequently to his texts, take longer than normal to call him back.
  • Forget to say “good night or good morning” (just play the “I’m so busy card” if he calls you out on it).
  • Change your plans. If you had plans with him, change them semi-last minute
  • Generally come across as busy, distracted, less interested, aloof like you really don’t care one way or the other.
Yes I am FULLY aware that what you want to do, and HAVE been doing is the exact opposite of all this. He’s doing this to you, so when he contacts you your instant reaction is to text back in 2 seconds. To try to make plans with him (not brake the ones you have for god’s sake!) so yes I know this will take a hell of a lot of will-power on your part. But it’s your ONLY hope. You need to get the upper hand back and it’s the only way it will change his quickly fading interest.
The key is when he starts coming back around; you need to be really careful not to revert back to your old ways. Stay strong and ease back into it. Guys hate “needy and clingy” so go slow, remain a challenge. You’re probably saying “but what if it doesn’t work and I lose him forever??” My answer is, honey you already lost him! He was gone. This is a last ditch effort to see if you can get his attention and affection back. If it doesn’t work then use Option #1.
If he said he needs space or broke up with you:

Simply say “Ok. I respect that and I want to give you your space. You know how I feel about you and that won’t change. I am going to go about my life, if and when you’re ready let me know if I’m not involved then we can see if there is still potential there. I love you but I’ll let you go, we can be friends”.

Don’t doooooo it…… don’t cave!
  • Then LET HIM GO.
  • Don’t contact him.
  • Don’t call in the middle of the night after a bottle of red wine!
  • Don’t text 67 messages at the club after too many tequila shots.
  • Don’t stalk him on Facebook.
  • Don’t email him.
  • Don’t Tweet him.
  • Don’t Google him.
  • Don’t ping him on Skype or Yahoo.
  • If he contacts you, be slow and cool in your response. Not bitchy, but friend like. After all you’re respecting his wishes.
Yes I KNOW this is killing you. I know this will seem impossible to do. I personally think this is so much harder than just walking away and trusting the Universe to deliver something better. But it’s the only thing that might bring him back around.
Guys want what they can’t have. They love the chase. If you go about your life pretending to be happy, pretending to be fine, and he still cares for you…this will be just the ticket to get him back. He will see you moving on, when he thought you’d stay home with your face to the floor crying all day long (in reality this might be true, but he should NEVER know this).
Pretend! Pretend! Pretend! The more you do, the more it will actually be true. You will actually BE ok. And when he sees that you’re ok, you’ll be attractive to him again.
happy ending
Happy dating!

As long as you’re needy, clingy and unwilling to face the reality of the situation, he will want to run from you like the plague. Remember the tighter you try to hold on to him the faster he is going to lace up his Nike’s and make a run for it.

 So relax. Let him go.
If it’s meant to be he’ll come back to you. If not you will be better off and in the right state of mind to receive MR right when the Universe delivers him to you.P.S. Do I have to state the obvious?? Why do you want someone so badly who clearly doesn’t want you? Ladies…He is OUT THERE. Just have enough faith that you can let the bad go so the good can come. You will be OK I promise, time really does heal all wounds.

Happy dating!
**Wondering if I can take my own dating advice?? Read Who said drunk-dialing was a bad idea??

Sarah Centrella is the author of the book Hustle Believe Receive which teaches you how to apply the #HBRMethod to change your life and live your dream.

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  • May 16, 2011 - 4:24 pm | Permalink

    aww i needed this! thank you for sharing 🙂

  • Anonymous
    May 16, 2011 - 5:15 pm | Permalink

    This is so true!

  • Anonymous
    May 17, 2011 - 4:09 am | Permalink

    this is worth reading and keeping in mind…i love this..thankyou so much sarah!
    god bless you dear

  • Anonymous
    May 27, 2011 - 7:40 am | Permalink

    I’m going to take option #1. After u meet him you will understand why.

  • Anonymous
    June 6, 2011 - 4:41 pm | Permalink

    i needed it badly
    love u 🙂

  • Anonymous
    August 9, 2011 - 8:35 pm | Permalink

    I really needed to read this and it is so well written! It all makes perfect sense. Hey, it’s not the end of the world if a guy loses interest… goes on and someone better will come along. Someone who suits me. Thank u!

  • August 9, 2011 - 9:45 pm | Permalink

    I’m glad it makes sense and is helpful…it’s stuff I have to remind myself of too 🙂

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