Monthly Archives: July 2011

Your Life Coach

Letters From Readers: Self-esteem

*This is an email chain from a question received from Tammy.  It is used with her permission, in hopes it will resonate with you as well.
Sarah… I am from Jamaica, I happened to stumble across your blog and I’m reading it till 3 a.m. 🙂I was bullied in high school… It got extremely bad and since then I have become a shadow of what I used to be… I am 19 years old but so full of anger and hatred that it consumes me and I am turning into a horrible person. I used to believe in the law of attraction and I have manifested many academic achievements in my life, but I have found it so hard to use it for changing my mindset and trying t heal from all this bullying… I have so much of self-loathe and I can’t even look in the mirror without cringing… I thought once I had left school (out of the bullying environment) all my insecurities would vanish and I’d be able t start fresh…
However I find that all my actions are confined by the thought that ”People are just out to get me” and ”Hurt them before they hurt you”. I have so much to be grateful for. I have an amazing family network and I have many people in my life who really love me and don’t see all the negative things I see in myself. I am so mean to them because now I cannot confine my ‘anger’ anymore and I lash out at everyone. I am realizing that I am my worst enemy. When it comes to academics, I have used the law of attraction and the results were nothing less than amazing. That is why my circumstances at the moment have made me turn back to the secret. I needed inspiration on how to get started again and then I came across your blog 🙂

You made me believe once again and for that I thank you. I love how you included how God fits into The Secret because that is something I always struggled to understand. My biggest fear in life is that I will settle for less than I deserve all because I don’t believe I’m worth it… I will hopefully try and change for the better 🙂Thank you once again
God Bless.
Hi Tammy,
Thanks so much for being patient, the past week or so has been crazy. I’m grateful that you came across my blog and I’m so honored that it meant something to you.
First let me say that I’m so sorry you had to go through that and that coming out of it has been such a painful and difficult experience for you and your family. I can certainly see how that experience can make you bitter and angry, and feel like you have low self-worth. I believe your question is how you can try to put this behind you, and stop taking the negative feelings, anger and guilt with you….

Here are my thoughts…

First people do not define you. YOU define you. There is NOTHING that anyone can say good or bad about you that defines the person you are. You create the person you want to be every single day. What others think of you or say about you is their jealousy and insecurity and cruelty PROJECTED on to you, but it’s NOT who you are. People saying these things about you doesn’t make it true. To me that is the first thing you REALLY need to understand, you need to know that those are all just words that other people from a place of negative evilness tried to associate with you, but they are NOT you.

You ARE beautiful and the ONLY way you will ever feel beautiful and begin to change that negative voice and turn it into a positive one where you believe that you’re actually beautiful is if you start saying it to yourself, all the time. All of those mean evil things they said to and about you that in your heart you KNOW are not true, you need to make new mantras for those that are the opposite of all the negative-ness. So if they said you are too skinny, say to yourself that you’re a healthy beautiful weight, say to yourself how glad you are that you can wear certain clothes and that your healthy. If they said that your ugly, look in the mirrors and look at your own eyes in the reflection and tell yourself 20 times every morning and 20 times every night before bed that you are beautiful. Have someone who is good at photography take some great photos of you, ones that you like of yourself. Try to see yourself in the eyes of your family and the people who love you. Put the pictures on Facebook so you can hear the positive feedback and let it soak in.

It will take a long time to change those negative feelings about yourself but you can do it, I promise. Remember that what you focus on expands. That means that whatever you think about, you get more of. So if you are thinking all day how ugly you are and how angry you are about it, the more ugly you will feel and them more angry you will become, it’s 100% guaranteed. So you need to flip that.

It will be a baby step process to start off with but, you can do it. Every time you get a bad thought replace it right away in your head with the good one. Practice telling yourself that you’re beautiful and smiling and see how much better you feel after a few days. Smiling will do so much good for you right now, because it’s the opposite of how you want to feel (aka angry).  But when you smile it’s impossible for people to dislike you, you’ll notice that strangers will be nicer to you, and you will feel more beautiful and get a better feeling from the people around you.

And lastly, please try not to feel guilty about this. Bullies should be punished and they can destroy people’s lives forever. You are very smart to have alerted the people around you to help get it stooped, I’m so proud of you for that. And you’re so smart to reach out for help to get through the feelings now. All of those things mean that you are very strong and you will get through this and be stronger for it.

Remember every time that you are angry or feeling ugly that those asshole bullies just WON. Picture their faces…do you want them to win? Do you want what they said about you to be your reality? Don’t let that happen, fight it every time, and soon you won’t have to fight it anymore, one day you will FEEL beautiful all the time, and you will be happy. But it’s not over night it takes work.

Good luck hun you can do it!

-Sarah

 

Tammy’s Reply:

Hi Sarah,

Yes thank you so much for your advice. I have actually started telling myself I’m beautiful. I tried that experiment today and although I didn’t believe it I was surprised that I got compliments. I have also started making my vision board. I will send you pictures once I am happy with it. Thank you for all your help. I am excited to start changing my life and I will let you know how LOA is working for me 🙂

I have also gotten rid of people who continuously insult my looks and those that continually remind me of my past and how I was bullied. That is why I got rid of fb… It was very scary at first but I am surprised to find that even though I have fewer friends now, I am SO much happier. I know they are still insulting me behind my back… but suddenly I just don’t care 🙂

At University, I have gathered a small group of friends who I urged to read your blog. We now share stories of how LOA works for us and try to improve our grades by using it. We are also working on our vision boards together and encouraging lecturers to incorporate it into teaching.

 


 

 

Sarah Centrella is the author of the book Hustle Believe Receive which teaches you how to apply the #HBRMethod to change your life and live your dream.

Follow on social media: Instagram | Twitter | Snapchat | Pinterest | YouTube |Periscope @sarahcentrella

 

Health & Fitness Your Life Coach

Sarah’s Advice. Reader Question: Cancer.

*This email chain is exact, and used with Sue’s permission. I felt it was an important one to share in it’s entirety as it’s dealing with a very sensitive subject, Health. I hope that it’s helpful for any of you going through similar situations.
Dear Sarah,
     I love reading your blog and find it an inspiration.
I discovered the Law of Attraction through reading The Secret, I know it works but could do with some extra help at the moment.
     Our 17 year old son has just been diagnosed with testicular cancer and will start chemotherapy soon.
     Even though the cure rate is over 98% I am struggling with staying positive and worry that all the sadness around us at present will affect other areas of our life in a negative way.
I would appreciate any thoughts you may have on staying positive and do you think you can transfer thoughts of healing to other people as my son doesn’t believe in The Secret.
Thank you for your time, wishing you health and happiness.
Best Wishes,
Sue
My Thoughts:
Dear Sue,
First let me say that your story brought tears to my eyes, I cant imagine being in your place right now. I can’t imagine how difficult it must be to keep faith alive in the middle of something so scary.
Here are my thoughts on your questions….
1.    In a time of intense trial like you are facing right now, the one thing that should give you comfort and hope is to KNOW that it will work out in the end. You mentioned that the cure rate is 98% which is amazing, so my advice would be to focus on that as diligently as possible.    Realize that when things like this come into our lives and happen to us that we can’t see what their purpose is in that moment. We don’t understand why or how any good can come from something tragic. But the Law of Attraction has taught me that in ever difficult situation no matter how trying that if we remain faithful to our belief and trust it to deliver us magically from the situation, that it will. 
     Much of what your facing is likely out of your control, so trust that what you are affirming (“my son will fully recover, he is healthy, he will live a long and healthy life”) will be your reality. Just believe it with EVERY FIBER OF YOUR BEING.  KNOW that in a year or 2 from now, he will be active and healthy and back living a “normal” life. Trust it. Let yourself visualize what that will be like when he has beaten this and it’s all behind you. Have faith that he will fully recover, imagine all of your lives back to that happy healthy place. Maybe plan a vacation or trip for this time next year. Give all of you something to look forward to.
2.    If you keep hope and faith alive (I know how hard it can be) and plan for you and your sons future like you normally would, and don’t let yourself dwell too long on what is lost (idk if maybe he can’t have children now…?? or something else) but stay focused on what you want and believe the outcome to be, then I absolutely believe that your thoughts and faith are enough for your whole family, including your son. Sometimes to believe we need proof, and your son rightfully is probably at a place where belief is very difficult and it seems like he’s facing proof of only bad things happening, therefore why believe? I fully understand that…so your faith is strong enough for him. He will see by the example you set that everything is going to be ok. That’s what he needs to see in your face and hear from you, so that you can be “The Secret” for him, and The Law of Attraction will give you that strength.
3.     I don’t believe the negative/sadness that your family is facing at this time will affect other areas of your life. I believe that as long as your remain focused on your end goal which is having your family together in a “normal” way doing regular things that you will get it. I really think doing a vision board or thinking about what that looks like, defining it will help you have hope. Put the pictures up of a vacation you want to take with him or things you want to do with him, then start talking about it, looking at the pictures and visualizing it. And one day soon, you will be experiencing that day with you son, just the way you envisioned it.
     My prayers, and heart go out to you and your family and I send you so much love 🙂
Sarah
Sue’s Reply:
Dear Sarah,
Thank you so much for your reply. I can’t tell you how much it lifted my spirits and my belief levels. You write beautifully and to think that someone who doesn’t know me shows such caring is awesome.
I am already planning a family holiday for the new year and am going to update my vision board.
Dan starts his chemotherapy in 2 weeks so if I may I will let you know how things go.
How are things going for you now?
Wishing you health, wealth and happiness
Best Wishes and much thanks
Sue
My Thoughts: Reply
Awe Sue, I would LOVE LOVE to know how things are going with Dan! Your story touched me so much…I literally read it and thought about it for 2 days.. it moved me so much.
My Doctor found tumors in my thyroid 2 years ago that thank god are at this point still non-cancerous but I know the fear that put into me, and living with the possibility they could still become cancer…but that is nothing compared to what you guys are facing. However I love that your heart and mind is in the right place and your effort and intention is in the right place…that is all you need, the rest will come on its own.
I’m so happy you are planning a vacation I think that will be wonderful for you all to look forward to.
Keep me posted! xoxo
Sarah
Sue’s Update:
Hi Sarah.
I hope you are well, thought I would send you a quick update on my son as he nears the end of his first cycle of treatment.
He is coping really well and is continuing a normal teenage life! His spell in hospital was a little hard for him as he felt poorly but once home recovered quickly.
Before chemotherapy he had surgery and I just wanted to share with you how reading The Power helped me.
I didn’t like the hospital he was due to go in due to past experiences. However as I began to feel anxious about the visit I thought of all I had learned about the LOA. On the way there I kept repeating how I loved this hospital as it was a place of healing and how everyone was kind and helpful. I became relaxed which helped my son and his surgery went well and everyone was great! I no longer fear hospital visits as I just imagine them as awesome places of healing.
Hope all is going well for you
Take care
SueMy Reply

     Thank you so much Sue for the update and I LOVE how you were able to turn your negative anxiety about the hospital into a positive place, because in reality you are so lucky the hospital and Doctors caught and treated your sons cancer early thanks to them he will make a full recovery! So he’s there to get well, not because he’s sick. I love that!UPDATE: Oct 1, 2011
I just received an email from Sue, her son just received the all clear from Doctors!!! So very happy for her and her family 🙂

 


Sarah Centrella is the author of the book Hustle Believe Receive which teaches you how to apply the #HBRMethod to change your life and live your dream.

Follow on social media: Instagram | Twitter | Snapchat | Pinterest | YouTube |Periscope @sarahcentrella

Parenting Single Mom Life

Parenting How To Love

Parenting, it’s taught me how to love. Love is a funny thing. We all believe we have the capacity to love, and indeed we do, but do we really know HOW to love.
I was listening to a new song by Little WayneHow to Love” and started paying attention to the lyrics, and was taken aback by the concept that for many, probably the majority of human beings really don’t know how to love. Maybe they have never been unconditionally loved, by their parents, family, pets or anyone else for that matter.
If you’ve never had unconditional love do you know how to give it?

It’s taken for granted in our culture that children unconditionally love their parents and that of course parents unconditionally love their children. But if that wasn’t your childhood reality how deeply does that affect your adult/parenting reality?
Luckily love like anything else on the planet, can be taught, learned and practiced. You can actually LEARN how to love something or someone. That’s pretty powerful.
mother daughter love
~

Here’s a great example.

I was not raised by an over nurturing/cuddling/loving mother. She was very direct and to the point. Often more consumed with the things swirling around in her brain, then nurturing or loving us children. Therefor when I became a parent I had to consciously make choices that made me a cuddly, doting loving mother, because that was not behavior I’d ever witnessed or experienced firsthand.
One of my daughters is very independent. She has been from birth. She never particularly wanted or needed to be cuddled she would rather be off doing something more exciting. As a baby she’d rather jump in her bouncy than be rocked. I never really thought much of it; I just felt that it was her personality. But by about 3 I realized she really didn’t like to be cuddled or “loved”, she’d give a hug and a kiss and be off, that was enough for her.
So I tried a little experiment.
I applied the law of attraction.
I decided to smother her in loves and kisses, and play time and cuddling. At first she hated it! She fought it; she just really seemed like the personality type that doesn’t need it. But I kept it up. I overwhelmed her with lots of gushy love. By the start of the second week she began to cave. And by the end of that week she was my little cuddle bug, and has been ever since.
I taught her how to love. That it was ok. And in the process I taught myself too. Because I didn’t have that as a child it’s one of those things I had to “fake it until you make it”. I forced something that didn’t seem natural in our relationship, until it did.
This is not to say that we didn’t have a loving relationship full of hugs and kisses before, we definitely did. I have always as a parent been that way with my kids, but this was a deeper level. This was pushing the envelope for both of us, something I wasn’t honestly sure would work for her or me. It was a level of closeness we just hadn’t had before. All of my children are naturally independent, happy and loving. But they were never the type to need to be held all day, which as a single mom of 3 I considered a blessing, from a sheer ability standpoint.  I have always been proud of their confidence and independent take charge nature, but I wanted to see if I could create that softness too. And I did.
The beauty of it for me is that all of us no matter our age or what we have been through in life, we can be taught how to love. We can slowly allow someone to love us, smoosh us with their love to soften that independent nature, its ok to need someone. It’s ok to give up some of that independence. It’s ok to really love and be loved.
The best way to receive love is to give it away.
So if you don’t have anyone in your life giving you that kind of deep, unconditional love, find someone to give yours too. When you do you will realize that it melts the walls in your heart and love will come back to you 100x’s over.
Just give it away.
To your friends, to your children, your spouse, your pets, even strangers through kindness…give love away. It will teach you how to love, and it will boomerang.

Sarah Centrella is the author of the book Hustle Believe Receive which teaches you how to apply the #HBRMethod to change your life and live your dream.

Follow on social media: Instagram | Twitter | Snapchat | Pinterest | YouTube |Periscope @sarahcentrella

Dating My Stories Single Mom Life

The Dating Game

So here’s the thing. I HATE dating. I mean it’s been a whole two years of my life that I’ve been at this game, and I can say honestly, and with deep conviction that I’m so OVER it!  It’s weird because I was with my ex-husband from age 16 to 33 so I never had the opportunity to date, and never thought I would, or cared to for that matter. So the past tow years have been an interesting ride that’s for sure.
dating game
I don’t know what dating at any other age, or stage of life would be like, say in your late teens or twenties because I never dated then. My guess is that it would be less complicated. At those ages you are still figuring out who you are, so you are willing to put up with your mate doing the same. Besides you really don’t know what you want so all you ultimately care about is, are they HOT?? A few other factors might apply like a main mutual common interest, but honestly it’s all about bang-ability and chemistry in those tender years of the love search. Hence when you find someone who meets that limited criteria, you are off to the races, alter bound (as was true with my young love). But alas for 50% of us that isn’t the magic answer either. At some point in time one or both of you will decide that love is not all that matters in a relationship and perhaps you should of cast your net a little wider, and had a few other things on your checklist. Especially if you threw kids into married life, then the bang-ability/chemistry is probably no longer a major factor anyway (just being real).
So that brings us to the stage of dating I currently find myself in, my mid-thirties (God that’s depressing! I was “early” thirties when this started! Ugh). But now, though dating might still be relatively new to me, the rest of it is not. I know what I want and more importantly what I DON’T. I’ve been through the bumps, and like we all do when we play this game, I’ve been banged up and bruised. But I’ve also learned so much about myself in the process, and I’ve made some truly great life-long friends along the way.
There is something that comes with a combination of knowing who I am, and what I want, mixed with 5% free time, and a very low tolerance for BS that results in my general lack of enthusiasm. One thing you learn quickly is that though every guy what’s you to think they are not like all the rest….honey please! They ARE a guy, so duhh! Regardless of how convincing that game might be in the beginning when it comes down to it, there are very very few that have an ability to stand out in the crowd long term.
If I met a man who:
  • Was who he said he was.
  • Was as fun to be around in person as on the phone/text.
  • Treated me the same in person as virtual (and I’d hope better…just saying!).
  • Kept his word.
  • Wasn’t a flake.
  • Was kind but still manly.
  • Thoughtful (even a little).
  • And had the ability to communicate, show up on time, and be a gentleman…..I’d fall on my face!! (After that list was DEMONSTRATED and not talked up).
dating
 I really don’t think that list is unrealistic. I might be crazy, but it seems like its kinda common sense. And the difference in dating at this stage in the game and dating 10 years ago is I just can’t tolerate the crap. I get that everyone has what they are great at and things they are week on, so if you communicate with me on any of these points I’ll be understanding and try to accommodate them as best I can. But don’t talk talk talk…and never do, and still expect to have a shot, that’s all I’m sayin!
I will always believe that everyone has a soul mate; I’m a hopeless romantic at heart and know like I KNOW, like I KNOW that when the time is right I will find mine. I’m not worried about it, but in the meantime, I’m beyond bored of the game.

Sarah Centrella is the author of the book Hustle Believe Receive which teaches you how to apply the #HBRMethod to change your life and live your dream.

Follow on social media: Instagram | Twitter | Snapchat | Pinterest | YouTube |Periscope @sarahcentrella

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