Why is divorce so damn annoying? I mean seriously. How is it that two people who once were so deeply in love can go from that, to MORTAL enemies? It’s so strange to me, honestly. Its crazy because no where else in life are you forced to interact with someone on a regular bases that you simply destine. It’s like a bad joke! The tension is ridiculous and it’s been three years of separation and two since the divorce was final and still communication is impossible! Cant we all just get along!!?
I put it behind me years ago and have moved on to a very happy mental place where I’m honestly grateful for that situation and believe it was the Universe delivering me my life back, so no hard feelings here! But he still cant even look at me! I don’t get it.
But what is more frustrating than anything for me is that, day in and day out I’m a full-time parent and I’m here for my kids, as a parent should be ALL THE TIME. Not just when it works in my schedule. But no matter how many times he lets them down, when it comes down to it, the kids are just so happy and grateful for the little he does do that it makes it seem so huge.
I cant help but feel sad knowing all the different things I have done with just my son, so that he could get some one on one time doing something he likes, only to be totally upstaged by his dad spending one hour alone with him. I so desperately want for him to have his dad in his life the way that little boy deserves. Want him to come first in his dad’s life, not last. It breaks my heart as a mom to see the disappointment when he is let down. But it’s hard to to see that it takes so little effort on his dads part to get that kind of joy, yet it’s still not a priority. I cant get my head around it.
I don’t mean to sound sorry for myself, but there must be other single parents out there who feel like I do; that you give 100% to your kids everyday and you see the unappreciated side from them more often then not, cuz your just mom/dad and that’s what you do. But then the parent who’s never around swoops in for one grand gesture and you see the beam on your child s face that you’ve gone so out of your way to try to put there on a regular basis.
I guess when it comes down to it, the parent who left will always be the more mysterious one because they are absent. So the comfort is in knowing that I’m here for them on the bad days and good, and that I’m the one they rely on so I guess it stands to reason that it would be a “given”.
Still sucks.
Sarah Centrella is the author of the book Hustle Believe Receive which teaches you how to apply the #HBRMethod to change your life and live your dream.
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Author | Life Coach | Motivational Speaker and single mama. I'm a chick on a mission to prove anything is possible for ANYONE. My story featured in the New York Times, Steve Harvey Show and NBC.
I feel the same. I work my tail off, get meals, get him to school, keep him clothed, I get him to all games and practices, and it goes unappreciated. But, I have learned that I was not appreciating it. I was constantly bitter about it. I had to change my thought pattern! As far as his father, I think my son puts his dad on a pedastool hoping for his love and approval. A hard lesson for me to learn was…this was my child’s lesson not mine. My lesson in this Is how not to give my power away to the controlling alcoholic this man is, he brings a fear in me like I have never experienced, and not sure why. So, in the mean time, I am thankful that I am the one who gets to do all these things with my son and participate in his life! Carrie
At least your kids are still interested in their dad. When my folks divorced my siblings and I had a less than cordial relationship with our dad. He would call and we would just set the phone down and let him speak to the air as we went off and did other things… Over time I realized (a very little bit at a time) that he wasn’t a bad person and he didn’t deserve being treated that way. Unfortunately by the time I fully realized the truth (as a freshman in college) I did not attempted to reconcile with him soon enough. A year and a half or so later he was in a car accident. He was resuscitated on the scene but was in a coma for 13yrs until he finally passed in 2008. I lost my chance to ask for his forgiveness.
I realize this doesn’t make you feel more appreciated by your kids, but I do hope your kids never feel about their dad as me and my siblings once felt about our dad.
I am a father of 5 and divorcesd a few months The divorce lasted over 2 years with severs years of reconciliation The marriage lasted 23 with most of it being very miserable on my part as well as unhappy for her I stayed married and was faithful even though there wasn’t intimacy for a great many years I wanted out after I went through what I felt was a serious health challenge and she wasn’t there to even take me to the doctor
I felt prior to the divorce I was an extrodinary father it now seems revisionary with mom telling them one thing and now they often refuse my calls and my affections
I pray in time they will lose their anger The youngest ( 2 teens) my daughterr Has told me repeatedly that I abandoned them my son has come around yet my daughter holds deep anger towards me and refuses my help other than money
Her words are identical to her mothers words which she lives with full time I see her every other weekend yet the visits are often cut short by her bursts of anger and outbursts
I express to her in written and in person how much I love her I try to come faithfully but my health and her anger cut vists short