Monthly Archives: October 2013

My Stories Single Mom Life

Yeah, That Just Happened.

Yeah, THAT just happened.

As a single mom I’ve gotta say, most of the time I feel like I’m teetering on the edge of insanity.  I’ve always got five million balls in the air and if this was juggling, then I’d say at least half of them I miss and they wind up on the floor.  I’ve come to accept it in some ways, fight against it in others. I never give myself a break because of it, but rather seem to be constantly disappointed in myself for endlessly fucking up.

But hey that’s life right?  Most moments overwhelm me and I just try to push through them so I don’t get the urge to quit, but occasionally I am so idiotic that even I crack myself up. Today was one of those days.


Because I’m a working single mom raising my kids without a support system, or extended family, I’ve had to miss all their field trips at school, and plenty of other school activities.  This always makes me feel shitty, especially when they beg to have me come, and the truth is I just can’t.  But this time I was determined.  For the girls first grade field trip to the pumpkin patch I had every intention of completing the paperwork necessary and taking a half day of work, and doing it up proper.  Riding on the bus, helping the teacher out, the whole nine yards. But of course the paperwork got lost in the shuffle of too-little-time and to-do lists, and the deadline got missed.  So today I found myself with two first graders all excited that mama was gonna come with them for the first time ever. Opps.

… I had some explaining to do.  But, I promised I would go to the pumpkin patch and hangout with them for an hour between my work meetings, and though disappointed they put on big smiles and let me walk them to class this morning.  It was also picture day, and of course I missed the deadline to turn in the paperwork for pictures, so this morning I was scrambling to fill it out in the school hallway, and proudly handed them to each teacher.  As I walked out of the school this morning, I thought: how is it that when I’m riding the line between failure and total failure, I still feel like I’m winning when I avoid total failure? I totally felt like I was winning this morning.  I smiled to myself, it might have been a scramble but I did everything I had to do.  I’d turned in the picture paperwork just in time, I had gotten the pumpkin patch directions and made sure my work calls fell on either side of that free hour.

I was holding it all together. Bravo me. 

I came home, did my work calls and headed out to the pumpkin patch to meet the girls. They greeted me with open arms and introduced me to all their friends and their friends mommies.  I felt like I was still a total loser for not actually volunteering but at least the effort was there.

Izzy and her class at the Pumpkin patch

 

Then Mira and her class…

Then I rushed to my Barre3 workout at lunch.  Rushed home for more work conference calls, went grocery shopping, was late getting the kids from their after school program, had fifteen minutes to feed them, before rushing (late) to Kanen’s football practice. When I walked Kanen to the coach to apologize for being late, he asked “Where is Kanen’s helmet?”

Barre3 obsession, lunchtime burn

Sooooo long story short. I’m walking into the house to get Kanen’s helmet and Mira says to me “Mama why are your pants on wrong side out? Why is there a tag on your butt?” I looked down for the first time all day to see the “inside” seams of my pants, as plain as day running down my leg.

…… Welcome to my life.  Don’t be jealous.  #Winning.

 

Why fix em now? P.S. decided against posting the pick of the tag on my ass.. your welcome!

 

Sarah Centrella is the author of the book Hustle Believe Receive which teaches you how to apply the #HBRMethod to change your life and live your dream.

Books I Love Motivation & Inspiration

Just Do It.

Just DO IT.

As you may know I’ve been writing my memoir for the past two years. I finished version one titled “Thoughts.Stories.Life.”  Somewhat based on this blog, over a year ago.  My agent pitched it to all the top publishing houses and the general consensus from editors was… it sucked. I was not a writer and it showed.  Then I rewrote it again and this time called it “One Third Crazy” which we pitched again last year, with pretty much the same response.

Then I closed my Word document and refused to open it for about nine months.  I just couldn’t start it from scratch again, not because I didn’t believe in the story but because I got so lost in this notion, true or not, that I am not really a writer. I’m just a chick masquerading as a writer. I mean I never set out to be one in the first place, it’s nothing I’ve ever said I’m particularly good at.  But it is something that found me, and has in so many ways changed my life.  So a few months ago I started all over again on what essentially is my third writing of my memoir, and slowly I think I’m learning how to write it, and let the story come out of me instead of worrying about if I am, or am not a writer.

But the process is so isolating.  So much of it is just you and the page and fear. The fear of telling the whole story, the fear of not. The trepidation of exposing stories of the people you love who play major parts in your life and how they will react. Writing a memoir has got to be one of the most difficult things to do, mainly for those reasons.  You are constantly trying to fight through and past that fear.

In the midst of my crisis on weather I should give up or keep going, three very significant things recently happened.

1.  A few weeks ago I went to lunch with one of my favorite clients who asked me if my book had been published (I had last seen him when TSL was being shopped to publishers).  I began with my list of reasons as to why it is not yet available for purchase in the airport, and he stopped me and said: “Sarah, I’m not fucking having lunch with you again until your book is finished. Just finish it. Get out of your head about, if it’s right or wrong, and just finish it.” It’s hard to argue with that logic and so I didn’t.  Instead I made a promise to him with a deadline of two months out and boldly said I’d have a manuscript to him by Thanksgiving.  That day after lunch I wrote a brand new Chapter One, and have written 20 chapters since nearly 2/3 finished with what I pray will be my final version of my memoir.  His words were the exact push I needed.

2.  Last week an ex of mine said “You know Sarah, you’d be so much more productive if you just focused on work.  If you could just forget about this book and blog thing and all the other things you’re doing, you’d make so much more money and be more successful if you put all of that energy into work instead.” I looked at him and realized A. This is why you are an “Ex“.  B. I would rather die then live that kind of life. All that other stuff, is what drives my passion and makes my life have purpose and meaning (above and beyond being a mother obviously).   All I could think was, “one day I’ll show you.”

3.  Tonight I just got home from a book reading/signing with Cheryl Strayed author of the New York Times Bestseller “Wild” which I just finished and loved.  I sat in total awe, on the edge of my seat and in virtual tears through every second of that reading, because for the first time in my life I saw what the output of my dream looks like. I mean I’ve imagined it so many times but I’ve never read a book, and then gone to a book tour event, the very kind I envision myself doing one day.  I got goosebumps when she talked about getting the call from Oprah, a moment I’ve dreamed of for most of my adult life.  I pictured myself sitting in that chair talking about my book, I wanted to cry.  It was the exact dose of inspiration and motivation I so desperately needed. It made me see that other people have gone through this process and had these same self doubts and come out on the other side.  It made me know without a doubt that one day that will be me.

 

My signed copies of “Wild” and “The Twelve Tribes of Hattie    
Ayana Mathis and Cheryl Strayed at Wordstock

If you have a dream, don’t let anyone tell you that it’s not worth achieving. Listen to the few that tell you to just fucking do it.  And tune out the rest who say that being a dreamer makes you a fool. Then make sure you put yourself in the moments you imagine living out, and remember that when we are closest to our dream coming true that is the point when the majority of people quit. Don’t quit.

 

Sarah Centrella is the author of the book Hustle Believe Receive which teaches you how to apply the #HBRMethod to change your life and live your dream.

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