Yeah, THAT just happened.
As a single mom I’ve gotta say, most of the time I feel like I’m teetering on the edge of insanity. I’ve always got five million balls in the air and if this was juggling, then I’d say at least half of them I miss and they wind up on the floor. I’ve come to accept it in some ways, fight against it in others. I never give myself a break because of it, but rather seem to be constantly disappointed in myself for endlessly fucking up.
But hey that’s life right? Most moments overwhelm me and I just try to push through them so I don’t get the urge to quit, but occasionally I am so idiotic that even I crack myself up. Today was one of those days.
Because I’m a working single mom raising my kids without a support system, or extended family, I’ve had to miss all their field trips at school, and plenty of other school activities. This always makes me feel shitty, especially when they beg to have me come, and the truth is I just can’t. But this time I was determined. For the girls first grade field trip to the pumpkin patch I had every intention of completing the paperwork necessary and taking a half day of work, and doing it up proper. Riding on the bus, helping the teacher out, the whole nine yards. But of course the paperwork got lost in the shuffle of too-little-time and to-do lists, and the deadline got missed. So today I found myself with two first graders all excited that mama was gonna come with them for the first time ever. Opps.
… I had some explaining to do. But, I promised I would go to the pumpkin patch and hangout with them for an hour between my work meetings, and though disappointed they put on big smiles and let me walk them to class this morning. It was also picture day, and of course I missed the deadline to turn in the paperwork for pictures, so this morning I was scrambling to fill it out in the school hallway, and proudly handed them to each teacher. As I walked out of the school this morning, I thought: how is it that when I’m riding the line between failure and total failure, I still feel like I’m winning when I avoid total failure? I totally felt like I was winning this morning. I smiled to myself, it might have been a scramble but I did everything I had to do. I’d turned in the picture paperwork just in time, I had gotten the pumpkin patch directions and made sure my work calls fell on either side of that free hour.
I was holding it all together. Bravo me.
I came home, did my work calls and headed out to the pumpkin patch to meet the girls. They greeted me with open arms and introduced me to all their friends and their friends mommies. I felt like I was still a total loser for not actually volunteering but at least the effort was there.
|Izzy and her class at the Pumpkin patch|
|Then Mira and her class…|
Then I rushed to my Barre3 workout at lunch. Rushed home for more work conference calls, went grocery shopping, was late getting the kids from their after school program, had fifteen minutes to feed them, before rushing (late) to Kanen’s football practice. When I walked Kanen to the coach to apologize for being late, he asked “Where is Kanen’s helmet?”
|Barre3 obsession, lunchtime burn|
Sooooo long story short. I’m walking into the house to get Kanen’s helmet and Mira says to me “Mama why are your pants on wrong side out? Why is there a tag on your butt?” I looked down for the first time all day to see the “inside” seams of my pants, as plain as day running down my leg.
…… Welcome to my life. Don’t be jealous. #Winning.
|Why fix em now? P.S. decided against posting the pick of the tag on my ass.. your welcome!|