Category Archives: Divorce

The aftermath of divorce…

Dating Divorce Relationships

Ready for Love.

Ready for love.

So in January of this year I made a new vision board. One focused on finding love. I’ve always had love represented on my board, but after reading The Soulmate Secret I was ready to break old habits and learn a how to attract the right man.

I believe strongly that everything happens for a reason, and that truth has lead my life in a positive and beautiful direction the past five years. It’s also helped me to weather any storm and given me confidence that my dreams are manifesting even if at the moment that is sometimes difficult to see. So when the show came to me about doing a piece on dating I knew it was not only a manifestation of my dream to share my story with the world, but also part of the “find me a man” vibe I’d released into the universe a few months ago.

I’m the first to admit that dating has been difficult for me. In fact it’s totally sucked! I’d never dated before age 35 and it was all a bit of a train wreck to say the least! I went out with guys I shouldn’t have, because I knew I wouldn’t be interested, but I honestly didn’t know how to handle it or what to do. It was two years of trial and error, learning what type of guy I was interested in and learning how to set limits and boundaries and respect myself. It was probably a lot like being in college for most people, going through all of that for the very first time. All those heartbreaks, stupid mistakes, bad decisions, you name it. My kids are with me full time, so on the two weekends a month they were gone, I couldn’t handle being home without them so I’d meet someone for a drink or dinner, or coffee or whatever even if I wasn’t interested, sometimes just because that was the first person I’d have talked to all day. I’ve been blogging through all this time, so feel free to read those old blogs and see some of that cringe worthy pain first hand, back in the 2009/10 years! It wasn’t pretty. And I knew I needed and was open to whatever advise or help in that area I could get, so that’s what my reasoning was for doing the show. It was a manifestation on both fronts.

So now I’m in a good, healthy place and I’m open to receive love. I believe it will find me, when I’m ready, and I’m daily doing the work needed to get there so I think I’m close! I know that the first step is to be open, and I finally think I really am. I’ve done the work, taken the advise and am ready to put it into action!

I actually just finished doing an interview with Live with Laura and towards the end of it she gave an unexpected plug for my dream guy! So hey, I know he’s out there and who knows maybe he’s listening or reading this. If you know him, send him my way!


Sarah Centrella is the author of the book Hustle Believe Receive which teaches you how to apply the #HBRMethod to change your life and live your dream.

Follow on social media: Instagram | Twitter | Snapchat | Pinterest | YouTube |Periscope @sarahcentrella

Dating Divorce My Stories Single Mom Life

Steve Harvey’s Dating Advice

Steve Harvey’s datng advice.

So today was a pretty epic day… to say the least! I had my national television talk show debut on the Steve Harvey Show. I woke up this morning with that all too familiar knot in the pit of my stomach, the one that says “you are about to stand naked in front of the whole world, now’s a good time to freak out!” And I mean metaphorically naked of course, like the dream we had as kids giving a speech in front of our class naked, only this was in front of millions of people and I was totally (as is my norm) emotionally raw and exposed.

Sarah Centrella on Steve Harvey SHowBut it wasn’t long before the messages started pouring in on my Facebook pages, twitter and all the other media, and texts from people around the world, most I don’t know, supporting me and my dream. See I’ve had a dream for a few years now to share my story with the world on a talk show or reality show.  Although this episode was on a topic that is very relevant to me (dating), and not my story, it was still a huge manifestation of that dream, and I had a blast being part of it all. It was my first experience with all that, a live audience, camera’s out in a public place, hair and make-up and it was exactly what I’d always envisioned it to be.  It’s absolutely what I see in my long-term future and will continue to work towards.  Plus it got me a meeting with OWN/Harpo producers so I have nothing but gratitude for the entire experience, it was a dream come true.
Sarah Centrella Steve Harvey dating
Randy Ford was an amazing date and I had a blast

Not to mention I got some great dating advise, and if you’re a regular reader of my blog you know I need it! As I’ve said many times before Dating Sucks! I’ve struggled with my dating life since my divorce and will be the first one to say I totally suck at it. I was in a marriage/committed relationship from age 16-34 so dating is not really my thing, I’ll happily take any advise I can get!

I’m gonna keep hustling for my big dream and ignore all the haters, this was a huge step in the right direction and who knows hopefully I’ll even find love in the process.

If you have a dream go after it, even when it terrifies you, the biggest rewards come when you push past your fear and step out on faith. Thanks to everyone who’s loved and supported my journey, good bad and ugly.

Sarah Centrella on Steve Harvey
Sarah Centrella Steve Harvey
Click here to see more Feedback about my appearance on the show.

 

Sarah Centrella is the author of the book Hustle Believe Receive which teaches you how to apply the #HBRMethod to change your life and live your dream.

Follow on social media: Instagram | Twitter | Snapchat | Pinterest | YouTube |Periscope @sarahcentrella

Dating Divorce My Stories Parenting Single Mom Life

Single Mom’s Club… If Only.

sarah centrella's familyI just finished watching both of Oprah’s Life Class’s on Single moms, and though I was disappointed I wasn’t one of those chosen to be in the audience for the show, I was so grateful to her for doing it. The first show blew me away… all these mom’s in one room verbalizing the exact thing’s I’ve been feeling and experiencing for the last five years. It was honest to god the first time I’ve heard other woman say those things, and I cried watching it, because for the first time EVER I didn’t feel alone. I know it sounds crazy but unless you are a *single mom, there is just no way for you to relate to what we face on a daily basis. This is not “poor me” it’s just the reality we live in. I was married with three kids for almost nine years, so I believe I can speak from both sides of the coin. And trust me when I say; doing it alone and unmarried is not even in the same league, as doing it married or with a partner.

It was the first time I’d heard other woman say they deal with judgment from friends, family and the world at large for parenting alone. I swear I thought it was just me! And the first time I heard women cry because they are constantly beating themselves up about every little thing, and dealing with the intense isolation that makes you think you are losing your mind. And I heard Oprah say… Forgive yourself, because you are allowed to make a mistake. That one knocked the wind out of me. Because for whatever reason, that one is huge!  You really feel like you are not afforded the opportunity to make mistakes as a single mom.  Maybe because we have a different relationship with our kids, one where the line between parent and child is very blurred, and where the children are very aware of what goes on in their mom’s life, mostly because mom has no one to talk to on a daily basis but her kids. So decisions that would normally not involve children, or ones where they would normally be unaware of, now are a joint family decision. And when you fail there is no covering it up. There is no way that your kids aren’t involved in watching that failure, and sharing in that disappointment. The buffer zone does not exist. So we hold ourselves to this ridiculous standard where to shield our kids from our mistakes we go the extra mile to try not to make them, all the while making them of course, but just submerged in total self-loathing when we do. There is no one to say “it’s okay, you did the best you could, everything will be fine.” And because of that you never forgive yourself, you never stop questioning every little decision.

sarah centrella and kidsThere was a comment made however that did not sit well with me, one Iyanla Vanzant (whom I totally love) made when asked why so many single mothers complained about feeling judged. She turned it back to the mom, saying what are you feeling about yourself that you perceive people are judging you? And though I get and understand that physiology and normally agree with about everything Iyanla says, this one I don’t.  By saying that, she invalidated one of our biggest issues we face a single moms, one that the overwhelming majority in that room complained of as well. It’s NOT all in our head. It’s not just us feeling inadequate, then thinking people judge us. PEOPLE ACTUALLY JUDGE US all the damn time!

I used to be very close to my siblings and parents, until after my divorce. Once I became a single mom my family was so full of judgment, suddenly everything I was doing was wrong and they questioned every move I made. Even though I was the same mother to my kids who they had always said before was doing an amazing job. But now there was not buffer zone, no husband or marriage to “not intrude on”, I was fair game, and they all eventually turned their back on me. They couldn’t relate to me as a single mom. They had their ideas of how I should do things and felt their opinion was equal to my own. As a result I have basically no relationship with my family and haven’t for several years. So not only did my kids lose their father, they lost their grandparents and aunt and uncle as well.

Judgment is real, and we face it every day. The only way I’ve been able to combat it, or keep it from destroying me, is to rise above and try to redefine the term “single mom”, and break the stereotypes. Prove to people I’m “not that single mom”. It’s a driving force in my life on a daily basis. It’s entirely possible that all that judgment and “hatin'” is what’s driven me to succeed, so for that I am grateful.  Wherever motivation comes from to succeed, even if it’s just to prove people wrong, is just fine in my book!

a mother's love

A perfect example of this was my girls kindergarten teacher in Washington.  From the start of the year I noticed that she would single out the girls and punish them for things non of the other kids would even be reprimanded for (asking to use the bathroom, their coat falling off the peg to the floor when they were seated at their desk, stuff that was just totally insane). She would keep them inside for recess because she didn’t like the shoes they wore that day, the list went on and on. Things got so bad she even tried to fail them! Mind you they were in kindergarten and were learning at or above their grade level. My last straw was at our first parent conference when my suspension was proven that she really did have an attitude with me (though we’d only at school functions) and my girls (who anyone who’s ever watched or been around them will say they are really well-behaved girls). At the conference she imminently began speaking so negatively about the girls in front of them, that I knew this was not a situation the girls could continue to be exposed to. I called a meeting with the principle and a mediator to try to understand what her problem was with my family.

When we sat down at the meeting her anger was visible, she clearly had a vendetta against me and my daughters.  When I asked her what the issue was she unleashed and in front of the school mediator and principle basically said that a single mom who works full-time can not be a good parent too. It was so unbelievably shocking. To have had my daughters judged to the point where their grades were effected (she actually copy and pasted the girls grades to each report card. Even the comments were exactly the same), all because she had some type of prejudiced against single moms.  It’s not something we make up that people around us are constantly judging us and our children, it is very, very real.  My girls were moved into two separate classes after that and did amazing, and finally started loving school instead of being afraid to go.

Today was another example, I took my kids to OMSI (science museum) in Portland and tried to buy a “family membership” the woman at the counter took my completed application and noticed the spot for “adult #2” was blank.  She looked at me (my kids leaning on the counter standing next to me looking at us both), and said; “you need a second adult to qualify for a family membership”. I thought she was kidding. I wasn’t complaining that I had to pay a membership that included 2 adults when I only had one (you’d think a discount would apply) I was simply trying to pay for the “family pass”.  But apparently our “family” did not qualify.  I was shocked and appalled.  “You can put down someone else, a family member” she tells me as if that’s any better. So I’m standing there with my kids, them all looking at me like “what’s wrong mama? What did we do?” And I’ve got no one to put down. No family. No friends that would ever be taking my kids to this thing. I don’t qualify.  Now not only are we not a “family” according to their definition, we are extra pathetic because I have no one to write down on a stupid form. Yes we are alone, but we don’t need constant insensitive reminders.

So no, it’s  not just in our heads. It’s real and we face awkward moments like that all the time.

The other thing Iyanla said in the second show that I can’t get behind is that single moms should allow the men they date into their kids lives, to meet them even when it’s a new relationship.  And what I, and other good single moms who don’t do that, worry about is we don’t want our kids getting attached to random men who don’t stick around. And her response was “don’t your girlfriends leave? Why shouldn’t guys just be people?” I gotta say this was shocking to me.  They aren’t “just people” they are men who at the end of the day are more interested in you than your kids and who want to “date you” and when things don’t work out they are gone for good. You can still occasionally see a girlfriend or a family member that you’re no longer close to, it’s not that way with men. I’m not saying this as the bitter old chick, who thinks all men are pigs, I don’t. But I do know dating, with or without kids is something that can last a month, a few months or longer, but why bring your kids into all that mess? Why? What’s the point of that? It makes no sense to me at all. If you feel like he’s “the one” than yeah, that’s different. But come on now. That’s one of the single mom stereotypes I have tried hardest to never get stuck with, because that’s not me. And yes I’m sure there is a balance (in 5 years being single, no guy I’ve dated has met my kids) which I’m realizing I should probably find, but still… I’m never gonna be one of those woman who has men rotating in and out of my kids lives. I’d rather be happily single!

But I am so grateful to Life Class for bringing this topic up and opening this discussion, because we do feel so alone.  And it was amazing to at least for a minute feel “normal” like I’m not crazy to feel this way, and that there are millions of us out there silently facing this struggle and trying to turn it into a blessing. I’m excited to see Tylor Perry’s movie Single Mom’s Club, I’m really hoping it portrays us in a positive light and shows our struggles in a realistic way. I think we need more avenues like this, we need more support and a sense of community for those of us who don’t have one.

the single moms clubI salute all you hard-working single parents out there, who are doing it without support or help and who are dedicated loving parents.  It’s not easy, but damn I wouldn’t change a thing about my experience, struggle and all. At the end of the day I’m a very blessed mama.

 *to all you single dad’s out there, don’t get offended by my use of “single-mom” it can very well mean single parent…. obviously all I can speak to and know anything about is the “mom” part.

 

 

 


 

Sarah Centrella is the author of the book Hustle Believe Receive which teaches you how to apply the #HBRMethod to change your life and live your dream.

Follow on social media: Instagram | Twitter | Snapchat | Pinterest | YouTube |Periscope @sarahcentrella

Dating Divorce My Stories Parenting Single Mom Life

I’m a Single Mom, Not a Stereotype.

It took me a long time to accept, and figure out what the label single mom, meant for me after my husband left. I knew what it meant to be a “wife” and a “mother”, but I had no idea how to be a “single mom.”  And to my shock, I realized quickly that the perception of a single mom is totally different than that of a married mom.

Suddenly it was like I was no longer part of the “mom” club, somehow overnight I’d become less of a parent and a less qualified mother.  But my married mom friends would say things like “Oh I totally understand, my husband travels all the time and never helps around the house, I’m basically a single mom too.” And I’d think; I pray you are never in my shoes, because you’d not last a day. The two are in no way comparable.   Slowly they’d stop calling because they couldn’t relate to me anymore, we were no longer the same. I was on my own, in more ways than one.

And when I’d meet friends and mom’s who never knew me when I was married, I was still not “one of them,” because even though I’d been married eight years, it was somehow no longer relevant. I  felt like the girl on the outside who “just doesn’t get what it’s like to be married with kids.” Being a single mom is more isolating than anyone can imagine. The isolation is deep and intense, and no one gets it, or understands, and so you just move forward… alone.  And that’s not self-pity talking, that is cold reality, and one that takes a lot of time to adjust to.

In the beginning I figured out pretty quickly how negatively society views the term single mom, it comes with so much judgment and stereotypes, something I never would have expected.  I noticed people treated me differently when I was out and about with three very small kids and no longer wearing a wedding ring. Suddenly there was shame and embarrassment as if I needed to explain to strangers why I had three babies and no wedding ring.  I even went so far as to buy a fake ring because I couldn’t deal with the humiliating way I felt people perceived me.  And when I would tell people my husband left, I’d get that pity look, like “oh no wonder.”  I hated that even more because it separated me from everyone else in a negative way.

Society, and the media have continued to portray single moms as; “baby mama’s” who will sleep with anyone, and have kids with different fathers.  In fact I was, and still am so shocked when I meet a man for the first time, and tell him I have three children, how often he asks “do your kids have different dad’s?”  It’s like, what??  It’s crazy. People also assume we are
“a hotmess”, not dependable, always making excuses, and are never home with our kids because we are always working or parting. And those are the more positive terms, others that come to mind based on the image society gives single moms, is: unstable, unfit, stressed-out, bitter, dependent, whore, needy, desperate, flaky, unmotivated, always feeling sorry for
themselves… and the list goes on. 

It took a few years for me to come to terms with this title, this label that I live with every day. But the only way I’ve been able to do that is to try and redefine it for not only myself, but my children. I refused to fall into the stereotypes that said I was “less than,”so I worked harder than everyone else I knew.  I was more dependable, more motivated.  To this day have never introduced my kids to a guy I’ve dated, in fact they have never even been around any men outside of my friends husbands, family and a few pro-athletes I’ve coached, at games.  I’ve gone above and beyond to break through these negative associations people have already in their mind about me, based on this title. I’m fiercely independent (to the point I have even paid for dates, and taken care of who I was dating instead of allowing them to do that for me). I’ve fraught hard to break the mold. And I’ve taught my children to do the same, to never think that they are “less than” because they are growing up with one parent.  Or to think that their life is not complete or their future inhibited in any way.

I’m not remotely perfect in any way, in fact I’m beautifully scared and flawed, but I won’t let anyone put labels on me that don’t belong. I won’t own and carry the mistakes of others.  Instead I hope to help clear a new path, one that shows single mom’s in a positive light. That I can help be a role-model for other newly single moms to realize they can be anything they want to be, regardless of the negative baggage that comes with this label.  You can have a successful career (and not feel ashamed of that), and just because you do, doesn’t mean you are a shitty mom or raising “latch-key-kids”.  You can still be there for your kids, take them to school, and activities, and do homework with them at night, and cook a real meal at dinner, and sing their song at bedtime.  You can keep a clean house, and take care of yourself, look good and do the 300 other things we do, alone.  Outside the view of the people who would judge us. They don’t know until they walk in our shoes, and at some point along the way I stopped caring what they thought of me. I had to instead put my energy on making my life the best it could be and redefining what that was. So now the term single mom means this to me… anything is possible.

PS. I would REALLY like to see a show on TV (reality or otherwise) that featured a successful, independent single mom with multiple kids, doing it all. Raising good, well rounded happy kids, having a successful career, pursuing her passion and finding a way to have a social life. That would make some good TV. Instead of “teen mom’s” and all that negative messy drama, show me a single mom who’s a boss! Who’s holding it down, making it happen but is still a devoted loving mom… Who’s with me on that?

 

 

Divorce Hustle.Believe.Receive. Motivation & Inspiration My Stories Single Mom Life Vision Boards

#HBRMethod Success Story.

A text message changed my life. On the evening of September 7, 2008, I opened my husband’s cell phone while he was in the shower, to read: I can’t wait ’till you’re finally free and all mine. No more sharing. Those few words tore my world apart in an instant. 

I’d been with this man half my life, since we were sixteen years old. We had an eight-year marriage and shared three beautiful children, including twin girls just over a year old. We’d been through it all: buying our first home, then losing it in foreclosure; being overjoyed when I got pregnant with our second child, then devastated when I lost it six months into my pregnancy. I thought we’d seen everything, but this I never saw coming. 

I never saw it because everyone knew he loved me just a little bit more. They say in every relationship one person does that, loves the other more. The kids and I had always been his entire world. No part of me ever questioned that he’d jump in front of a train to save us if he had to. 

I was all he ever wanted. Until I wasn’t. 

I set his phone on the bathroom counter and without a second thought, threw open the shower curtain, turned off the water, and said; “Get the fuck out.” I watched him pull on his shorts in the hallway, still dripping wet, one leg and then the other as I pointed to the front door. He kissed our son goodbye, tossed his ring in my general direction, and walked out slamming the door behind him. 

He never came back. 

Things had not been perfect between us prior to that day, I can’t lie. We’d been struggling financially to the point of desperation for what felt like forever. We’d lost our home the year before and were forced into bankruptcy after our twins were born. Our life was in a noticeable negative tailspin. Losing everything we’d worked so hard to acquire had destroyed our pride and left us both feeling useless, helpless and miserable. I’d done everything I could think of to cut our budget and make it so we could pay the bills and still eat, but every month we fell further behind. 

On the day he left, I didn’t have five dollars to my name. Our electric, water and gas bills were all past due, with shutoff notices pending, and the rent was late. I hadn’t worked in over two years, and the economy was in the middle of a deep recession. The car title was in his name, as was our bank account. Overnight, I went from desperate to stranded and destitute, with no way to provide for my three small children. 

That night, I laid on the cold hardwood floor in our living room, my hair matted to the side of my head with tears that had finally run dry from my own dehydration. The only thought that floated in my semi-conscious brain was, “How the hell can I do this?” I’d tried so hard to think of a plan, anything, but nothing came, except that question over and over again. It seemed completely impossible. Yet somehow in that moment survival mode also kicked in, and with it came even more questions. Of course we’d have to move right away, but where? I didn’t have family who could take us in. And we’d need to sell everything we owned, but how? And I’d need a job, but doing what? And how could I afford to work when daycare would take up most of my salary?

All night these questions swirled in my head without answers. 

The sense of utter helplessness was all-consuming. I was no stranger to hard times. I’d grown up in extremely difficult circumstances and had struggled all my life. I already knew what it felt like to go hungry, to not have a roof over my head, or a bed to sleep in at night. But this was different. Being resilient and scrappy is fine when it’s just you. But when you have children to feed, it’s a new kind of panic that washes over you in overwhelming waves. In the past I had always relied on #TheHustle to get me through anything; it was comforting knowing that no matter what came at me, I would always “find a way.” But this time, I knew Hustle alone would not save me, and I had no bright ideas.  

In moments like these, I think we are faced with two options. We can give up, fall apart and disappear. Or we can fight. I knew I could never just give up, but I didn’t believe I had what it would take to fight. Not this time. 

That was about the time my girlfriend Charise walked in the door with her arms full of Costco boxes. She’d thought of everything: diapers and formula for the girls, dinner for the next week, and even enough cash to keep the electricity and water on. That is the moment that has defined my #RelentlessPursuit. That is the moment I Hustle and grind for. 

Something inside me snapped in that moment. A light went on, deep in my core, followed by a burning desire to never put myself or my children in this kind of position again. I made a promise to myself right then that I would not rely on anyone to provide for my family. I wouldn’t borrow money from family members; I wouldn’t beg for help. I would somehow pay my girlfriend back, and figure out how to handle my business on my own. Before I’d always just thought I was unlucky and entitled to what little help I’d ever received.  All my life I’d told myself this story, and believed it. Nothing good ever happens to me.  I work twice as hard as everyone else for half as much. That was my core belief. And as a result, that was my life.  No one ever told me that my life was the result of my thoughts, my beliefs and my actions. I believed that the only thing I could control was how hard I worked (#TheHustle), but that on its own left me feeling like I was drowning in quicksand, no matter how hard I worked, the results never showed. It took the catastrophe of that night, when my world collapsed in an instant, to spark within me a desire to drastically change my life. 

That week I sold everything we owned on Craigslist and filed for divorce. I took the money I made from our belongings to pay for first and last month’s rent on a really tiny, super-shitty two-bedroom apartment. I had just enough left over for one more month of rent and a few groceries. That was all the money I had in the world: I didn’t even have a bank account. My sister convinced me to get on food stamps, just until I got on my feet, and though I cried when the case worker took my story, I knew I had no choice. I applied for every job I could find, but interviews were few and far between. When the second month came and my rent money was gone, I sold my wedding rings on Craigslist for a fraction of their value; enough for one more month’s rent. When the women came to pick up my rings, she looked around our little apartment at my twins running around in their diapers and said, “I don’t want to know. Please don’t tell me the story.” She didn’t want my “bad luck” giving her new wedding rings negative juju. 

Things were certainly bleak, to put it mildly. It was terrifying, yet at the same time there was a new spark of hope deep inside me that wouldn’t go away. Now I was in control of my future, and that was a whole new way of thinking about what was possible for my life. I remembered an Oprah show I’d watched where she’d talked about changing your thoughts because they have the power to predict your future. I mentally traced my life back five, ten years, and realized that everything I worried about, feared and stressed about, had become my reality. That was a huge revelation for me. I saw it plain as day: I’d created all those “misfortunes.” I’d created that life. That was all the proof I needed of the tremendous power of my thoughts, even if it had only worked in a negative way up to that point. I knew I had nothing to lose, and the possibility of possibility brought hope in a way I’d never known before.

My book Hustle Believe Receive  is how I went from a newly single mom with nothing, relying on state aid to survive, to an executive of a software company in just eighteen months. It’s the story of how I manifested four vision boards in six years, and completely changed not only my life but my children’s. It’s how I went from living in a “poor me” world, to being a take-charge-of-my-future badass. It’s the tale of how I learned to dream HUGE and what it felt like to live out those dreams quicker, and bigger than I’d ever imagined, often without spending a dime of my own money! It’s how I learned to work smarter and not harder.  It’s how I Changed my Crew. And it’s the story of how, for the first time in my life I learned to truly be grateful, live a “pinch-me moment” kinda life, and how I found my joy. 

 
 
“Anything is possible child, anything can
be.”
–Shel Silverstein


 

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*You can read all my posts about these events and all the others as I went through them in  real-time. Look on the left side of my blog and click the “archive” to read what I wrote as I faced these  challenges and celebrated these victories in 2009-and beyond
 
 

 

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Dating Divorce Relationships

Is There Such Thing as, The ONE?

Is there such thing as THE ONE?

I believe in life, we get many chances to love.  The older I get, the less I believe in the idea of one “soul-mate”, or one “love of your life”.  I think that in each phase of our life, we grow into different people and love takes on a new meaning. The love we sought when we were in our teens and twenties is different than what would attract, or be meaningful to us in our thirties or forties.  Does that mean it wasn’t true love? Or that the person wasn’t, in that moment, the “love of our life”?  I don’t think so.

I believe there is such a thing as finding a connection with someone that is unlike anything you’ve experienced prior. It transcends the love you knew up to that point, and for the time you spend with that person, they truly are “the love of your life” up to that point.  But what happens when that love doesn’t last or doesn’t work out? Does that mean your chance is gone? That you’ve met “the one” and lost them and now your chance for love is over?

God how depressing would that be! It would make getting over that loss almost impossible.  Thankfully, I believe it shows us, that with each true love we reach a new height.  A new awareness of what love means.  We learn how to be a better, more loving partner. We learn to let our walls down and let someone else in.  With that comes the risk of pain and loss, but it truly is so much better to have had that opportunity then to have never experienced it at all.  That would be tragic.


I think that love, like wine, like wisdom, gets better with age.  I think it opens doors to something even better yet to come.  It let’s us know we are capable of attracting it, experiencing it, and breathing it in.  And I fully believe that there is a “right” one, even when the others who came before were perhaps the “wrong ones”.  With each experience the bar is raised, the lessons are learned, and when the time is right, the one who is meant to stay will transcend all the others.  And when that happens the loves of the past will fade away and be replaced with one far superior.

Yes please!

This gives me hope. This lets me know that something so mind-blowingly amazing is coming my way, and I can’t wait. I know I’ll recognize and appreciate it in a way I could never have done had I not gone through losing love in the past.  I know I’ll be a better woman, a better lover, and partner to him when he comes.

 

Sarah Centrella is the author of the book Hustle Believe Receive which teaches you how to apply the #HBRMethod to change your life and live your dream.

Divorce My Stories

Walk Away…

 My ex-husband is getting married next weekend, to the women he had the affair with.  She will be my babies step-mom. It’s been almost four years since the day I found out, and they’ve been together ever since, so I’m not sure why this news fazes me at all, but it does.

Perhaps because I spent the last few months writing our story for my book, not just the bad, but all the good too. The good which I’ve tried for four years to forget existed. But it was there, for years on end, and so was our love. We were together for sixteen years, since we were both sixteen. Half of our lives. We are such different people now that it’s hard to remember who we used to be, but in looking through our old albums and remembering our story, I realized that someplace deep down I never really thought it was gone forever. Don’t get me wrong I have no desire at all to be with him anymore, none!  I consider their affair to be the biggest blessing in disguise of my life, but still I guess I was surprised to find myself, remembering like it was yesterday, the good times.

It’s hard to process that our wedding, in the end meant so little.  We’d both looked forward to it for eight years, we were so happy.  How does love do that? Just change when your not paying attention? How do you find yourself in a different life, than you’d set out to live? How do you wake up alone when you thought you’d had that covered, till forever?

The one thing I’ve noticed with these emotions the past few days, and some other major events that have occurred the past week, is that I don’t seem to be the one that anyone fights for.  I looked back over my relationships since our split, and realized that I’ve been the one fighting when no one was fighting for me.  Maybe that’s because our marriage ended in an instant, and perhaps it made me fight harder for other relationships, even when they didn’t deserve it.

The obvious difficult truth is that I’m the common denominator and that’s a bitter pill to swallow.  But without truth there is no growth.  And the past few years I’ve spent my time diligently, aggressively and with intent; growing.  I’ve looked inward and changed not only my outward life but who I am as a person.  Changes that I believe have made me a better woman, more forgiving, kind and understanding.  I’m proud of who I’m daily becoming, and doing so with intent.  So whatever the reason that I find people leaving my life, I know now that I’m not going to keep fighting for anyone who wouldn’t do the same for me.  It’s wasted energy.  I know now that I’m giving it my best effort and if that is not enough then those are not people well suited to be part of my life.

I will chose instead to put that energy into me, into becoming a woman that I could and do love.  Into my children, teaching them how to become people that others would want and need to have in their life.  I’ll fight for myself, and my kids… maybe it’s cynical, but it’s the reality.  Happiness is fleeting if we allow it to be, joy will pass us by.  I don’t want that. I want what’s good and healthy for me, and if people walk away, no matter who they are, I’m going to let them.  Because in the end, who wants people in your life who don’t really want to be there?

Sometimes reality bites.

 

 

Sarah Centrella is the author of the book Hustle Believe Receive which teaches you how to apply the #HBRMethod to change your life and live your dream.

Follow on social media: Instagram | Twitter | Snapchat | Pinterest | YouTube |Periscope @sarahcentrella

Divorce My Stories Parenting

For Mama.

Kanen’s Handmade Book <3

Today was the first Mother’s Day I’ve ever spent without my kids. It’s been ten years that this day has been my day. I remember being pregnant with Kanen and so excited that I got to celebrate it even though he wasn’t born yet. Most of those past Mother’s Days were spent with my family, having brunch or me hosting the family gathering. Cooking up a storm. Fresh flowers on the table. My parents and brother and sister were there, my ex-husband. It was always a big family affair as it is in most families.

Well this year it fell on my ex-husbands weekend, and that meant I’d be spending the day alone. For various reasons my family is no longer part of mine or the kids lives, so what used to be a big joyous celebration, and a day I could call my own, became one of the loneliest on record.

It’s hard to describe what it felt like to wake up in a quiet house this morning.  But I’ll try; It sucked ass.

But the sun was out, and it was a gorgeous day in Seattle (a rare occasion), so I decided to try and make the best of it. I put on a sun dress and went to the beach with my book. I had lunch and a beer overlooking the crowned sand and sidewalk. Let the sun burn my shoulder’s. I walked along the surf surrounded by families of all shapes, sizes and ethnicity’s. Parents setting out picnics, kids playing in the sand. Father’s packing all the gear to and from the car. Families on bikes and roller-blades.

If I wasn’t the only women (mom) walking alone out there today it certainly felt that way. It was strange to go places and not have anyone say “Happy Mothers Day”, because how would they know I have kids? And if I do wouldn’t they be with me? Duh. It fucking sucked.

the blogges
A date with Jenny Lawson (The Bloggess)

I’m not trying to write a “poor me” post, so maybe only single parents should read it. Everyone else can get a free pass to skip it today. Because to everyone BUT a single parent I get how this all sounds. Sounds a bit like wha-whaaa. But if your in my camp, then I bet you get it. I bet you’ve had a day like this, and I bet at one point or another it made you want to cry. As I did when I drove home and Boys II MenSong for Mama” came on the radio.

But alas six-o’clock finally rolled around and my twins ran across the parking lot into my arms, as I nearly squeezed them to death and fought back tears. When we got home Kanen practiced his pitching with me, and said I was a “pretty great catcher”, boya!  He gave be the most amazing book he’s been making the last month or so at school full of all the cool things we have done together, poems and drawings of us. Plus he grew me a pepper plant. How great is that?

This is what it looks like when Seattle comes out of hibernation.

Mira and Izzy are crazy compulsive cleaners who love nothing more then to surprise me, by cleaning stuff (they especially love bathrooms. Yes I realize they might be slightly weird and possibly OCD, but as long as it works in my favor I’m fine with it). So they set me up on the couch with a glass of ice water and my book and cleaned the whole house. No I’m not making this up. Swear to God, it’s a true story.

sarah centrella's children
Luckiest Mama ever.

So a day that I just wanted to be over as fast as possible, ended the best way it could; with my babies back asleep in their beds.  And me reminding myself that no matter if they are here or not, I’ll always be their Mama. Even though nine days out of ten I feel like I’m failing at this, and not enough for them, I am reminded that all it takes is endless amounts of love and a heart that is in the right place. And that is enough.

Happy Mothers Day to all the hard working, loving, patient, exhausted, devoted moms out there. Especially to those of you doing this alone; your doing a great job whether anyone sees it or not. You should be proud.  I’m proud of you.

 

 

Sarah Centrella is the author of the book Hustle Believe Receive which teaches you how to apply the #HBRMethod to change your life and live your dream.

Follow on social media: Instagram | Twitter | Snapchat | Pinterest | YouTube |Periscope @sarahcentrella

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