Reader Question Summary:
She is 30 and in love with a younger man. She is Hindu and he is Christian, she is under great pressure from her family to be married but not to him. He used to be sweet and amazing to her but over the past few years is distant and cold. They fight a lot. He doesn’t want to marry her, but she wants to marry and have a family with him and with her families blessing. They have been together 4 years and she is still very much in love with him. Her question is will The Secret make all of this happen for me?
Thank you so much for trusting me with your story and sharing it with me I know it must be difficult to put all of that into words. Please understand that my advice and response will be what my gut tells me based on what you have relayed to me about your situation. You did a really good job of laying out how your relationship has changed and what the pressure is that you feel from your family, your religious pleasures and cultural expectations. Though our cultures might be different, the story of love, family and heartache is the
same across the world.
In answer to your first question “will the secret work for me?” my response is ABSOLUTELY. But to your second question “will it make my boyfriend love me the way I love him? Will we get married and have a family? Will our relationship improve? And will our families accept our relationship and bless it?” my answer is probably not. I know that’s not what you want to hear right now. But if you can let that digest for a little bit, then this is how we can get through this together and how The Secret will help get you through it and be better off in the end.
I am going to give you some bad news here. But bear with me, I’ll also give you some good news, so my only hope is that you read this with an open mind and open heart, even the difficult parts.
I take issue with many people out there that believe all you have to do is wish for something and it will come true. I don’t believe that. I believe that what it does do, is give us FAITH that God/The Universe/Life (whatever we choose to call it), has our best interest at heart and WILL bring us WHAT WE NEED. That is much different than giving us what we WANT.
Right now you want your boyfriend to love you the way that you love him. But he won’t. He won’t wake up one day and decide it’s time to be nice to you again like he was in the beginning. He won’t decide that if you love him more, or are more perfect that suddenly you will BE perfect in his eyes. He has made his decision in his mind that the two of you getting married is not what he wants. Once a person decides in their mind (for whatever reason) that they are going to mentally check-out of the relationship and turn to treating you poorly as a result, they are trying to find the appropriate way to leave. His heart has grown cold, and no amount of loving him will turn that around. It’s one of the strange things in life that makes no sense, the more you love him, want to be with him, call him, the less he wants to be with you. The good news is that you are not married to him. Even though you love him very deeply, you can walk away from this relationship without destroying a marriage or putting children through a divorce.
That was the bad news.
And having been through much heartache and a failed marriage to someone I thought was the love of my life and who I was with for 16 years, I know how difficult it is to hear that. But if I can assure you in some magical way that everything truly will be OK, and infuse you with the faintest amount of hope, then I know without question that you will be better off.
So the good news….
The good news is that you want true love and a family. It seems like you believe it would be a better situation with your family and your culture if that love was someone who shared your religious beliefs and came from the same background as you.
I say this is the good news, because this is the BIG Picture. The Secret or The Law of Attraction works with the Big picture. Right now you are just focused on him being the answer to all of your questions. But if you can open your mind and heart to what you really need and want out of life, it’s to be happy, be in love, have a family, and make your parents and brother happy, then The Secret can start working for you.
All of those things are possible.
For it to work you need to focus your attention there, not on your boyfriend. Because the universe will go to work to grant that wish, and you need to be open to receive it when it comes and realize that it knows what’s best for you even if you might not. So if those are your big picture wishes it will change things in your life to grant them for you. One of those things might be give you the strength to move on from your relationship, so that you will have room in your heart and life for the man that you are meant to be with.
If what you begin shifting all of you mental attention to is YOU and NOT HIM, then you will begin to slowly gain your self-confidence back. Right now you are spending the majority of your time and attention on him, and the relationship is not good so your thoughts are constantly focusing on the wrong things, and bringing you more of the same. It’s a vicious cycle. You need to be ok with the possibility that he is NOT what is best for you and that there is something better and more perfect for you. I know that in your culture an unmarried woman of 30 is a very big concern so you feel that if you don’t marry him, you may never marry. But it’s better honestly to be alone and happy then with someone who mistreats you and does not love you the way that you love them.
This is where faith comes in.
This is where you need to BELIEVE.
Even if it’s the tiniest strand of belief you have got to take that leap of faith and trust The Secret (or whatever) that what is RIGHT for you will come. It might not come tomorrow or next year, but if you slowly start to change your attitude and mindset to focus on things that make you happy and TRUST that it will all work out in the end, then it will. It really is that simple. It will relive sooooo much stress from your life if you can do this. Let go of the worry of how it will happen or who it will happen with and just BE. Start surrounding yourself with things and experiences that YOU like and that make you happy and slowly you well BE happy. And you will of reversed the negative cycle and created a brand new positive one by which good things can begin coming into your life.
In my opinion you need to let him go. It will be painful to the point of feeling unbearable, but after a few months it DOES get better. And you will get stronger. And before you know it you will be happy again and it will be your own happiness not dependent upon another person.
My advice would be take My Challenge
, make a Vision Board
. Map out what you want your life to look like, what would make you happy and start focusing on that. Walk through those steps and try to let go and believe. You will begin to see positive changes I can promise you. And it will work out in the end. It will and you will be happier and stronger!
Good luck to you on your journey and please keep me posted.