Tag Archives: Relationships

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How Practicing Mindfulness Can Heal Our Troubled Relationships

Mindfulness and relationships by Mindvalley

How Practicing Mindfulness Can Heal Our Troubled Relationships

 

No one ever said long-term relationships were easy.

Relationship often begin as so many happy courtship’s do – filled with blissful mornings, lazy afternoons, and exhilarating evenings?

Then, after the first flush begins to fade, you settle into something a little more stable, a little more secure. You connect with your partner more deeply, more substantially, sharing intimate dreams and desires, hopes for the future, fears you’ve never given voice to. And it’s wonderful.

But, the more you get to know your partner, the more time you spend in each other’s presence, the more you get to know your partner’s habits, quirks, and idiosyncrasies, the more you begin to fight.

Arguments are an entirely natural (and entirely healthy!) part of every relationship. When you spend a lot of time with someone, you’re bound to disagree, likely on quite a few things. And that’s okay! What’s not okay is when those disagreements turn into verbal battles – ones which exhaust and distress you.

If your relationship has been more pain than pleasure lately, perhaps it’s time for a new approach. read more »

Relationships

Are We All Just Robots?

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I’m starting to think that the movies we watched as kids, those sci-fi depictions of what people would be like in the future, is actually our current reality.  We really are heartless robots walking around all day long looking down at our phones… yet not responding to anyone.  I’m starting to think that’s the only real relationship anyone has any more… if it’s not the only, it’s certainly the most important; the one between hand and phone.

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But this is not news to anyone, we’ve all become addicted, I get it, and I’ve been just as guilty.   This has been annoying kids, daters, spouses for the last decade.   The thing that I see changing is that now people are not only ignoring the living breathing person in front of them in favor of their phone, they are also ignoring half the people on their phone too.

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So when you used to be able to pick up the phone and call a friend, now you only get voicemail.  Where you used to be able to have a text convo, now you can’t get a response for hours or days if at all.   You used to be able to get a response from a Facebook message, or a comment on social media or a reply to an email….GOOD FUCKING LUCK NOW!!!

Now no one can be bothered to interact.  

Why is this so annoying you ask?? Because people still have their phones in their hand!! It’s not like they’ve found a magical way to unplug or detach from the device. No they have just detached from person to person interaction of any kind.

Our smart phones have so much crap on them that people spend their day playing on their apps, when a few years ago they spent it texting/messaging actual people.  Now they can be on the phone and interact with no one. They can scroll through Instagram all day but not actually comment/like their real life friends posts.  They can happily accepts your likes and comments, but can’t be bothered to return the gesture.  They can look at Facebook all day, but not interact or post. They can Tinder all day, but not strike up an actual interesting conversation.

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I’m starting to believe people have become heartless, emotionless, insensitive, rude, detached robots.  It’s easy to block people out, or not respond because it’s just a message on your phone, right?  But I think we’ve forgotten that in doing so over and over again, you’re actually destroying real life friendships, relationships, loyalty, respect, bonds and trust.  Things I grew up believing were a necessary part of being a good human being.

Maybe it’s just me.  Maybe all my –friends, family, clients, business partners, coworkers, associates– maybe all of them have decided in the last year that they can’t stand me.  And if that’s the case cool, I stand corrected.  But I have a feeling that it’s not just me.  No one is responsive these days.  The cold truth is that no one gives a shit anymore.   People don’t care about how their actions affect anyone else.

Everyone is busy.  Blah Blah Blah.  I hate it when I get that excuse from people, I want to send them a breakdown of my day and be like… really? Top that!  Yet I still took the time to reach out to you, to check on you, to put effort into keeping in touch and good old fashioned communication.

At what point will enough be enough? When will we stop to realize that the millions of ways we receive messages from people who don’t matter to us are destroying the relationships with the people who do? That all the apps in the world won’t replace a real life shoulder to cry on.  When will we stop being so isolated in our own head that we take a minute to actually draw on human emotion.  Connect with someone real, tell someone who is important to us that they matter? In a real way, not a social media bullshit way?

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They say chivalry is dead.  Well honey, it’s so dead that I had to look up the meaning of the word! It’s  non-existent!  But is human decency also dead?  Is human connection in any form, a thing of the past? Will my kids never know what that’s like? Where are the acts of kindness, and human interaction that I knew growing up?

It seems impossible to build or maintain a relationship or connection with anyone anymore.  I’m praying that this trend reverses, and that people learn to shut out the noise. If it doesn’t, I shutter to think what the future holds for our children.

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Time to ditch the unresponsive robots.

It’s all just too much.  It makes you cynical after a while.  And I guess you can say I’m there.   Because speaking for myself, I believe I’ve hit my limit.  I’m now cutting people out of my life who can’t be bothered to invest anything into our relationship.  All the one-sided friendships/mentorship/client relationships, whatever with whom ever…. I’m done.  Goodbye to unresponsive robots.  I’m over it. I’m exhausted.  I’m going to save the little energy I have left and invest it into my kids and the few people in my life who show they care.  And take the time to show my kids how to be connected, kind, responsive, decent human beings.

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Dating Divorce Relationships

Ready for Love.

Ready for love.

So in January of this year I made a new vision board. One focused on finding love. I’ve always had love represented on my board, but after reading The Soulmate Secret I was ready to break old habits and learn a how to attract the right man.

I believe strongly that everything happens for a reason, and that truth has lead my life in a positive and beautiful direction the past five years. It’s also helped me to weather any storm and given me confidence that my dreams are manifesting even if at the moment that is sometimes difficult to see. So when the show came to me about doing a piece on dating I knew it was not only a manifestation of my dream to share my story with the world, but also part of the “find me a man” vibe I’d released into the universe a few months ago.

I’m the first to admit that dating has been difficult for me. In fact it’s totally sucked! I’d never dated before age 35 and it was all a bit of a train wreck to say the least! I went out with guys I shouldn’t have, because I knew I wouldn’t be interested, but I honestly didn’t know how to handle it or what to do. It was two years of trial and error, learning what type of guy I was interested in and learning how to set limits and boundaries and respect myself. It was probably a lot like being in college for most people, going through all of that for the very first time. All those heartbreaks, stupid mistakes, bad decisions, you name it. My kids are with me full time, so on the two weekends a month they were gone, I couldn’t handle being home without them so I’d meet someone for a drink or dinner, or coffee or whatever even if I wasn’t interested, sometimes just because that was the first person I’d have talked to all day. I’ve been blogging through all this time, so feel free to read those old blogs and see some of that cringe worthy pain first hand, back in the 2009/10 years! It wasn’t pretty. And I knew I needed and was open to whatever advise or help in that area I could get, so that’s what my reasoning was for doing the show. It was a manifestation on both fronts.

So now I’m in a good, healthy place and I’m open to receive love. I believe it will find me, when I’m ready, and I’m daily doing the work needed to get there so I think I’m close! I know that the first step is to be open, and I finally think I really am. I’ve done the work, taken the advise and am ready to put it into action!

I actually just finished doing an interview with Live with Laura and towards the end of it she gave an unexpected plug for my dream guy! So hey, I know he’s out there and who knows maybe he’s listening or reading this. If you know him, send him my way!


Sarah Centrella is the author of the book Hustle Believe Receive which teaches you how to apply the #HBRMethod to change your life and live your dream.

Follow on social media: Instagram | Twitter | Snapchat | Pinterest | YouTube |Periscope @sarahcentrella

Books I Love Dating Relationships

Attracting My Soulmate.

I’ve just finished reading the most amazing book! The Soulmate Secret by Arielle Ford. Having made a commitment to myself at the start of the year to be my best possible self, and have my best year ever in 2014, I decided to do the work necessary to use the #HBRMethod to attract my soulmate.

Waiting for my flight ..

I had so many breakthroughs as I turned the pages of this truly inspiring, easy to understand guide to finding my beloved.  The first was when I realized that I’d been attracting the same kind of man over and over again, because deep-down I didn’t believe myself to be worthy or lovable. That was a new revaluation to me. I’d always been a woman who had self-confidence, but when I pealed away the surface I could see the core reason I kept bringing the wrong type of men into my life.

The first thing I did was write out a list of all the reasons I could think of that I was blocking true love in my life.  I’ve had never written a “negative” list before because I didn’t want to give those words life.  However I realized that by avoiding it, I was also avoiding the raw truth that was exposed in “admitting” them.  I began, and instead of writing out “I am unlovable” for example, I wrote out a list of 20-30 items that read “I let go of the belief that I am unlovable”.  As I wrote this list I felt nothing.  It bothered me that I could write a list of things so deep and raw and “new” to me, yet feel no emotion attached to any of them, but I kept writing.

 

Arielle asked the question in the beginning of the book if the reader was holding on to any past lovers who could unknowingly be blocking true love.  And so at the end of my list I wrote the names of the men whom I’ve dated the past five years, who have been difficult to let go of, for one reason or another.  I wrote: “I let go of so-and-so, knowing that he was not my soulmate”.  This section was harder to write. Yet still I was surprisingly composed for such a spiritual and cleansing exercises.

And then I stood in front of my bathroom mirror and read my list out loud to myself with candles burning, and looked myself in the eye as I let go of all my blockers to love. And as I did so, tears fell hard and fast down my cheeks and onto my handwritten words.  When I got to the names of each of my ex’s I cried more still, and hardest on the name of the one still closest to my heart. But I let it out, and let it go.  I then lit the paper on fire, held it over the toilet, watched it burn and flushed the ashes.  I can’t adequately put into words the feeling of peace and relief that flowed through me as I finished this ceremony.  All the pain, and bitterness left my body, and peace took it’s place.

That was the first amazing breakthrough.

Then the second major aha moment came today as I finished the book on a flight from Orange County Ca, back to Portland.  I looked over the list I’d created of my perfect soulmate, a list so detailed with every possible trait and characteristic I could dream of represented.  All except one….”available. Emotionally (able and ready to be in a committed loving relationship), physically (aka single), and locationally (not long distance) available.”

And then the wammy hit me like a frying pan to the back of the head.  It so diverted my attention that I began feverishly writing in the books margins, even as the captain was letting us know the plane was relying on auto-pilot to land in the intense fog (something that normally would have stopped me in my tracks and caused me to freak out!). I began writing the names of the six men I’d dated the past five years, and a list of what I’d been attracted to in each.  When I finished, my list matched exactly to my perfect soulmate list! These six men together made up the ideal man I was looking for.  Yet all five lacked one thing in common… not one of them was or had been available.

I was stunned.  I looked over the list again…
1. Mr. “heartbreak” was an excellent communicator, we had that soulful connection, he was passionate about his work, loyal, family focused, loving and so kind.
2. Mr. “power” had stability, safety, power, success, money, brains.
3. Mr. “Attraction” shared my same mindset and beliefs on the law of attraction, self-improvement, and reading.  He had the most amazing body, was sexy beyond belief, and we shared amazing chemistry.  And he loved to dance, cook and loved football.
4. Mr “big” was tall like I wanted, loved my kids and my kids loved him.
5. Mr. “Smooth” knew how to tell me everything I wanted to hear in a way I needed to hear it. He flattered, and his eyes lit-up when he saw me, his love for me was true and undeniable.
6. Mr. “friend” was the best conversationalist I’d ever known, and shared my intense passion for travel and the finer things in life.

As I looked over my list of the men who’d impacted my life the last five years I realized that I was attracting attributes from my list (each of those item descriptions was on my original list), but I’d failed to ask that they be “available for a relationship.” And each of them I tried to make fit the mold. I tried to make “Mr. Power, be Mr. Attraction” or vs.  I knew non of them were the complete package yet I tried to force something I knew would not work. Suddenly I realized that I no longer needed to force anything, that if I’d already manifested parts of him, that I could absolutely manifest the whole him. I sat back and braced in my seat for our rough landing, looking over my writing in the margins… and I knew.  He is out there, he is writing lists and making mental or physical vision boards to attract me to him. When our time is perfect the Universe will have us collide in some cosmically beautiful way, and knowing that is all I need.

I can now relax and love the life I’ve created for myself and my kids, I can love and cherish myself and all that I’ve become over the past five years.  And when our eyes meet for the first time, we both will know…..

And so it is.

Love this, from my Pinterest Love board

 

 

Dating Health & Fitness Motivation & Inspiration Parenting Relationships Vision Boards Your Life Coach

New Years Resolutions Template.

Every year since I was a teenager I have taken the time at the start of a new year to write down my goals and resolutions. They started out pretty basic “get in shape,””drink more water”, that kinda thing… but over the years as I’ve learned the importance of mapping out your goals and creating your future, and as a result I’ve made them increasingly detailed.  If you’ve never made a vision board, or a bucket list (shame on you!) or even been one to actually write your goals out, then this template is for you. Let it guide you into really discovering what it is that you want and what will bring you happiness and make you feel successful and accomplished. 

I also love this because it’s a great benchmark for your progress and success.  It’s a measuring stick that will prove you are either moving forward, falling off the path, or if your life has become stagnant. Remember this is the only life you get, time goes by so fast, and it’s time you take charge of it. Time you lead it, instead of being along blindly for the ride. This exercise will help you chart out a positive course for 2014 and next year at this time it will feel so great to go back and look at this list and see how much you’ve accomplished. I recommend you fill this out and then print it, put it up in your room or office someplace you can see it on a regular basis. Stay focused. 

Goals for 2014:

 FINANCES
What is your overall goal for your financial situation in 2014? Aim big, push your limits, hold yourself accountable.
Example: Become financially free this year.
The plan:
1.      Put X amount of $ (use a specific dollar
amount that is realistic for you but one that also pushes you just enough).  Break out that contribution with each payday.
2.      Increase 401k contribution by X % (be
specific, and then do it tomorrow).
3.      Do not spend wastefully (give
specific examples of what you will change).
4.      Keep all bills current.
5.      Earn X $ in 2014. (If you have a job
where your income is not set, or where you can increase it based on effort put
the amount here. Or if your plan is to increase your income in 2014 put the
plan on how you will do that here).
6.      Put your major savings goal here,
such as buy a house, or a new car etc. 
TRAVEL:
I believe that everyone deserves to take vacations, experience new places and expose themselves and their families to the world. If this is not important for you, you can replace it with something that is. But if you’ve always secretly dreamed of incorporating travel into your life, put it down. Even if you think it’s not a realistic possibility for you this year. Put it down anyway.  What is your overall goal for travel?
Example: Take a family vacation.
The plan:
·
Take 2 major vacations with the family.
1.      To (insert specific destination here)
and why it’s important to you.
2.      One “lux” vacation to (specific
destination) and a description of what that trip would ideally be like.
·
What trips would you like to take alone or with your friends?
PASSION:
I believe strongly in the power of finding what inspires you, and what makes you passionate and feel most alive. I think we all have something that we are amazing at, and that lights us up, but most of us are afraid to act on it, or to put it as a priority in our life. We think it’s foolish, or a pipe dream. I say those dreams and doing what you love should be what fuels your desire to break free of the norm. It should be your goal to one day have your passion lead your life and success and not hide it. This will help you put specific goals around making it a priority in your life. I believe it will bring you happiness and joy when you begin focusing on it.
What is your passion?
  • What specific things can you do in 2014 to increase the time, energy and joy you get form it?
  • What are your goals for where you’d like it to take you in 2014?
  • Do you need to commit more time to it? Doing what? How often?
  • What are some benchmarks for success with it?
RELATIONSHIPS (dating/family/friends/marriage):
This is a huge area that I believe we should all make a priority to focus on. It’s one where we can look internally and set goals to make us a better: spouse, sibling, parent, partner and friend. Those things don’t just happen. We are not automatically great at all of these relationships, they all take work.  Look at the ones that are important to you and see how you can improve them this year. How you can make better choices, set boundaries, give more, or whatever it is you need to work on. Be honest and true here. Don’t hold back. Resolutions are to make you better. It’s time to put in the hard work and face truths.
·
Set clear goals for the relationships that matter to you.
  • What would make you a better spouse? Giving more time? Being kinder? Focusing on the positive instead of nagging? Be honest, list out your goals for improvement.
  • Are you close with extended family? If not why not? What can you do to bridge that gap and work on those relationships? 
  •  Do you spend time with your friends? Do they know how much you value them? Do you give more than you take in those friendships.
  • What would make you a better parent? Having more patience? Being present in the moment with your kids? Playing with them? Talking to them?
  • Are you dating? What boundaries do you need to set around that? Are you making the right choices? If not why not? What will you change this year? Do you know what you want? What would make you a better partner.
  • If you’re single write a DETAILED description of your IDEAL mate. Shoot for the moon and know that the universe will bring it to you when you’re ready, so don’t waste your time on anything that is the opposite of your list.
·        Example: My Dream guy…

He’s dashingly handsome. Has an amazing smile. Is tall and dark and strong. Dresses well, is well educated and well spoken.  He’s kind and generous. He’s old fashioned, attentive, patient and adores me and the kids. One who believes he’s waited his life to find me, one who I know is my better half. He challenges me, but supports me at the same time. He’s successful but not obsessed with work. He’s confident but not self-absorbed. He’s KIND and his heart is big and full of love.  He’s an excellent communicator, texts and calls often. He lets me know I’m his queen without asking or being told. He does it because it makes HIM happy. He commits to me, doesn’t quit or walk away. Introduces me to his world, is proud of me and wants the world to know I’m his and he is mine. He’s a world traveler and makes it a priority with me. He compliments freely and sincerely. He apologizes and recognizes when he’s wrong. He works to make it right. He’s humble and open to learn and improve.  He is real, and steady.

What are your top criteria that can be your benchmark for success?
Example: Our relationship is based on these 4 keys:

1.      Mutual respect
2.      Mutual love and adoration.
3.      Open, honest and frequent
communication
4.      Mutual and equal effort 
PHYSICAL & SPIRITUAL:
To really be happy I believe it’s critical to make your physical and mental/spiritual self as whole as possible.  It must be a priority.  How can you achieve a better health and fitness lifestyle? How can you make your mental health and spirituality more of a priority? List specific actions that are realistic to your life, that you can begin doing tomorrow and can commit to for the rest of the year.
Example:
  • Go to yoga 4 days a week, start running 2 days a week.
  • Make relaxation a priority, take care of my skin. Get regular massages and facials.
  • Take my vitamins and supplements.
  • Drink more water. 
  •  Meditate daily.
  • Use mantras to boost my motivation and mood.
  • Consider going to therapy (personally I think everyone should make this a priority).
  • Read more.  
  • Focus on the tools of positivity I’ve learned to take me to the next level.
  • Stay in control of my mind, attitude and focus.
CAREER:
We spend the majority of our lives at work. Therefore finding a career that challenges you, is rewarding and financially fulfilling is very important. How can you become more successful in your current position or what would you need to do to be happy at work?
·        
Here are some questions that might help you make a plan:
  • Are you in a career you love? If not why not?
  • What would you change if you could?
  • What would your dream job look like?
  • How can you be more successful in your current role?
  • What do you need to do to take your career and income potential to the next level?
    What is your plan to make the changes you are identifying?
 

OTHER:

If there is another category in your life not represented here, then add it in. This is your list, make it reflective of what is important to you. 
Once you have completed this worksheet, you need to take the time to build a  Vision Board that supports it. Look for pictures (Pinterest is my favorite place) that represent each of these goals and categories. Read your list often. Stay focused. You WILL ACHIEVE your goals. Put in the work, the rewards are huge!
Here’s to your best year EVER!

 

 

Dating

One and Done.

It being a new year and all, I’ve decided to make a promise to myself.  A commitment of sorts. See I’m the type of person who doesn’t let a lot of people get close to me.  But when I finally let someone new in (let’s be honest I’m really referring to someone I’m dating) I tend to hold on wayyyy to long. Maybe it’s because it’s taken me a while to let them in and I don’t want to start over with someone knew.  Maybe because when they first show me their duchebag side, I give them one pass after the next, hoping that one day they will wake-up and realize I’ve been good and loyal to them all along (who would do that? Um hello crazy girl!).  Yes I’ve been guilty of this, and though it’s not pretty to admit, it has been my pattern.

Sarah Centrella Dating Sucks
Wise up girl.

I’ve realized that I’ve been drawn to men who don’t know how to acknowledge when they are wrong or have disrespected me, and who seem to be incapable of a true sincere apology. I’ve now realized that those type of men are not the ideal match for me. I’ve decided that I deserve better than that (shocking I know). I am one to apologize quickly when I’ve been called out for being in the wrong, but that trait has crossed some blurred lines I’ve noticed lately.  It’s overcompensated for the other person. This week two very clear examples occurred with two different individuals that shone the light bright on this issue for me. In both cases the other person did something for which I was extremely hurt and offended. One of those “clear as day” that it should have been on them to apologize and try to get me to move past it. However that didn’t happen (it never does) and sure enough a day or two goes by and who is doing the apologizing? Me. For something I didn’t do. For being offended in the first place, or god only knows what else, whatever necessary I suspect to get us “past it.” And then I wait for them to pout for a few more days, until it’s good again for a little while and then the dysfunctional cycle resumes.

So yeah… I’ve decided that it’s kinda bullshit.  That maybe it doesn’t make me the “better person” to always be piping up and taking the blame for everything and that maybe I should hold them accountable for their actions and be willing to watch them walk out of my life if they are not willing to man up and do the right thing.

“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the FIRST time.” –Maya Angelou

That statement is my promise to myself in 2014.  This is going to be the year that when I recognize that behavior on someone new, for the FIRST time, I am going to wash my hands of them and run the other direction.  I am going to proactively spare myself heartache and needless self-destruction.  I am going to selfishly put my happiness first. I am going to expect more and refuse to settle. I am going to be perfectly happy alone, blissfully so in comparison to the negative energy these relationships have brought me year after year. I am going to stand up for myself and repeat the motto “one and done.” No more second, third, or three hundred chances.  If you show me who you are, I am going to believe you, and take a pass if it’s not a match for me.

Here’s to finding happiness within and loving myself enough.

Good girl… now keep your promise.

 

Sarah Centrella is the author of the book Hustle Believe Receive which teaches you how to apply the #HBRMethod to change your life and live your dream.

Dating Divorce Relationships

Is There Such Thing as, The ONE?

Is there such thing as THE ONE?

I believe in life, we get many chances to love.  The older I get, the less I believe in the idea of one “soul-mate”, or one “love of your life”.  I think that in each phase of our life, we grow into different people and love takes on a new meaning. The love we sought when we were in our teens and twenties is different than what would attract, or be meaningful to us in our thirties or forties.  Does that mean it wasn’t true love? Or that the person wasn’t, in that moment, the “love of our life”?  I don’t think so.

I believe there is such a thing as finding a connection with someone that is unlike anything you’ve experienced prior. It transcends the love you knew up to that point, and for the time you spend with that person, they truly are “the love of your life” up to that point.  But what happens when that love doesn’t last or doesn’t work out? Does that mean your chance is gone? That you’ve met “the one” and lost them and now your chance for love is over?

God how depressing would that be! It would make getting over that loss almost impossible.  Thankfully, I believe it shows us, that with each true love we reach a new height.  A new awareness of what love means.  We learn how to be a better, more loving partner. We learn to let our walls down and let someone else in.  With that comes the risk of pain and loss, but it truly is so much better to have had that opportunity then to have never experienced it at all.  That would be tragic.


I think that love, like wine, like wisdom, gets better with age.  I think it opens doors to something even better yet to come.  It let’s us know we are capable of attracting it, experiencing it, and breathing it in.  And I fully believe that there is a “right” one, even when the others who came before were perhaps the “wrong ones”.  With each experience the bar is raised, the lessons are learned, and when the time is right, the one who is meant to stay will transcend all the others.  And when that happens the loves of the past will fade away and be replaced with one far superior.

Yes please!

This gives me hope. This lets me know that something so mind-blowingly amazing is coming my way, and I can’t wait. I know I’ll recognize and appreciate it in a way I could never have done had I not gone through losing love in the past.  I know I’ll be a better woman, a better lover, and partner to him when he comes.

 

Sarah Centrella is the author of the book Hustle Believe Receive which teaches you how to apply the #HBRMethod to change your life and live your dream.

Dating Relationships

Letting Go of The Love of Your Life.

Saying goodbye to the love of your life. #lovehurts #goodbye "Letting Go of the Love of Your Life." How do you let go of the one person who you feel was your soul mate? Is there more than one true love of your life? CLICK TO READ
Letting go of the love of your life…
 
Two years ago I met the love of my life.
 
It was one of those cosmically aligned moments, when I ran into a stranger in an elevator who changed my life and stole my heart. The connection was instant and undeniable.
 
For the next year my heart went through every possible emotion.  The most prominent of which was; finding the one person you’ve spent your whole life searching for, the one that is the perfect match to you in every way, but knowing from the start that it would never last. It was that tragic. That heartbreaking –can’t-do-shit-about-it- life’s-a-bitch- kinda love that rips your heart out.  Yet when you fall in love, you  have no control over it, even if you know the chances for survival are minimal at best. It just is what it is.

I didn’t believe in love at first sight until our eyes locked that day. I thought it was something writers and fairytales invented to keep us wishing for some magic that probably never existed. But from our first eye contact, it was there, as crazy as it sounds.  If you’ve ever found this kinda love, then you know it doesn’t sound crazy at all.  There was no denying it, on both sides. And from that moment on as we spent time getting to know each other, knowing that our timing would not mesh.

I asked God and the Universe (or whatever else was listening)…why? Why do this to me? Why put me through something so pointlessly painful. Why bring him into my life in such a fates-collide kinda way, only to not let him stay? 

I don’t know the answer to that question.  I wish I did. I wish it would reveal itself to me. Because even now two years later, the thought of him makes me want to cry. No matter what I’ve done to try and move past it the last year, to put him behind me and except that it wasn’t meant to be, he’s still always with me.

I share this with you because, almost every single day for the past few years a reader will write to me from somewhere in the world with a story just like this one.  They always ask me: “How do I get the love of my life back?” And I always say… you don’t.

You let them go.

“But!” They protest, “I want you to tell me how to make the Law of Attraction bring them back”.

And again I say… not how it works my friend. Believe me this is not what I would want to hear either. But it’s what I’ve come to know is true. And the only thing that keeps my heart from bleeding out, is knowing and trusting that there must be some crazy higher power at work, dreaming up a bigger dream for me than my little brain can do for itself.  Because to me he was perfect. To me he was all I’ve ever thought I wanted.  But that’s not the reality.

The reality is that if it was perfect and if he was the one for me, it would have worked out. It wouldn’t be a tragic love story. It would have been happily ever after.  And it’s not.

"Letting Go of the Love of Your Life." How do you let go of the one person who you feel was your soul mate? Is there more than one true love of your life? CLICK TO READSo what I must do, and what you must do if you find yourself in a similar situation, loving someone who didn’t chose you.  Or who left you. Or who doesn’t love you as much as you love them, you must let them go.  You must trust that there is something greater and better at work for you.  And then you must look at all the reasons that person came into your life.  And all the things they taught you about yourself.  And realize that maybe they came into your life, not to be there forever, but to teach you something that will make you ready when forever finds you.

It’s hard. I know this. There hasn’t been a day that’s passed the last two years when I’ve not thought of him. Maybe that will always be the case, I don’t know.  But the year of heart-brokenness, and pain, and tears, and emptiness has finally passed. And it will for you too.

The lessons he taught me about myself, and the awakening I had about my life; my past, the way I love and seek love, all of those things are priceless. They are the reason I was able to write my memoir.  Was able to finally find happiness inside myself instead of seek it in a man. He raised the bar to a level I never thought I could expect, and he softened a heart that was quickly growing cold.

For all those reasons I’ll love him always. But over time I’ve been able to let him as a person go, and still hold on to those qualities and realize that maybe they will manifest in someone even more perfect.  And even if they don’t I will be okay.

And lastly, if he really is my sole mate, then time and age and distance and life won’t matter.  Somehow, someway, someday, he may reappear. But that’s not what I focus on. There’s nothing I can do to make that happen. I’ve learned through trial and error that the only love I want in my life is one that is equally unmatched and where equal sacrifice is made, and until that is the case chasing after it will do no good.

I remain hopeful, and steadfast in my belief that whatever is meant to be for me will find me.  I’m not going to chase it, seek it, or hunt it down. I’ve drawn it to me before I will again, and so will you. Don’t let your heart ever stop believing that somewhere out there someone was meant to keep it safe for you.

Wonder if we ran into each other in an elevator today if we’d still have that
spark.. If we’d still feel that magic?  Hope you’re good, and happy, I
want that for you.
And I want for my heart to forget what it felt like, when u said my name...

 

Time to say goodbye to the love of your life.

 

Ready to work with me? Learn more about my coaching and schedule a free 15 min consultation to learn how you can let go of the wrong love and manifest the right one! 

 


 

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