I’m about to embark on the biggest challenge of my life, and I’m scared out of my mind.
I met my trainer yesterday.
Need I say more?
Didn’t think so.
That does NOT take away from the very serious fact that one of my greatest earthly fears (aside from drowning and plane crashes) is working out with a trainer. I mean it’s so humiliating. They see you at your most disgusting (and they are usually hot, so let’s just add insult to injury why don’t we). I have NEVER worked out with anyone my entire life, and yes despite what you might think, I do work out. I’ve gone from fit, to not fit, to fit so many times in my life I’ve lost count. But I’ve never made it there, where I really want to be. It’s been a life long elusive battle. And since I first found Jane Fonda at 13 I’ve been trying to find my burn, alone.
The thought of working out while someone watches me is just so repulsive.
I’m dreading this.
I’d rather pull my hair out.
My poor trainer, bless his heart, he believes in me. I believe in me too, just not as much as he does, but again that is his role in all of this right? And I’m CONVINCED he is going to turn me into a pin-up, poster child of awesomeness. No doubt in my mind. Sadly I do realize that I have a minor role in this transformation, but heck if he can believe in me and give me a blank slate from which to sculpt a super-model, I’d be stupid not to listen right?
Thank god I believe in the Law of Attraction. That alone helped me take off and keep off 35 lbs the past 2 years, but now I want more. I wanna see what I’m made of, what I’m capable of. I figured what better way to prove to myself that I really can achieve anything than to get in the best shape of my life at 36, I mean how hot would that be? I’ve always said I’d rather look amazing at 40 then at 20, so now is my chance. (OMG, just realized for the very first time, that 40 is 4 years away, why am I so bad at math? Maybe it’s a self defense mechanism). This particular goal has been one that has loomed larger then life since I was like 12, and was first called chubby (maybe I was 7, who knows) but I’ve ALWAYS wanted to know if I was really capable of getting there, of having the body I knew was here somewhere hiding under my curves.
This scares me on an ADD and discipline level too, lets be real. I’ve never considered myself terribly disciplined especially before learning how to apply the Law of Attraction. I had never focused or trained my mind to do anything before that. But now I know how, so I think the time is perfect to put it to a physical test. And why not let you watch me do this too? I know many of you out there struggle with these issues as well, so maybe this will give you some motivation and strength.
My poor trainer, he has no idea what he’s gotten himself into. But I believe in him. I gave him my word that I will listen and obey and do EVERYTHING he says, so you are all my witness that I have to do this. He says if I do, that it will only take 6 months…how freaking awesome is that? I’ve tried to get there on my own, for let’s just say 30 years (it’s not unrealistic to think that I was trying to lose weight at 6, trust me!) so 6 months is nothing. That’s not even as long as I gave up drinking to be pregnant, three times. So I got this.
Mind over matter.
Visualize the result.
I can do it, I am strong.
And on the bright side he’s gonna fix everything I was saving up my penny’s for Dr. 90210 to fix (picture on my Vision Board), but this is better. Even I know that.
Thank you Jermayne, I will be your best client ever. I promise to shut my mouth and do what I’m told (I said try right? Crap, no I said promise).