But doesn’t everyone? I mean when we move from phase to phase in our lives isn’t it difficult for most people to let go? When you let go you lose that security blanket, regardless of whether it’s the warm fuzzy kind, or the kind that wraps its self around your neck like a Boa Constrictor. Either way, it’s familiar. It’s known. It’s safe.
I thought about this for a while, and reminisced on the past year in my own life. I began to realize that indeed I had been clinging to many things, that were both unhealthy and crippling. I think when you go through a traumatizing experience like what I went through last year, sometimes it’s easier to just bury it in the bottom of the ocean, as it were. Tell yourself this equates “letting go”. That way you can look yourself in the mirror every morning and say, “I’m doing fine. I’m healthy. I’m surviving this”. But until it’s legitimately dealt with and truly set free in your spirit, you cling to things that make much less, logical sense.
And I realized that I’m one of those individuals who can’t handle it when people are mad at me. I hate it. I obsess about it. I need to convince them they are wrong, and that the situation must be reevaluated. This is “NOT letting go” at its finest! I just can’t do it. I can’t say, “well forget you! I’m never talking to you again!” Although, God knows I have done that many times to some of the most critical people in my life. I will then move heaven and earth to win them back. I can’t cut them from my life, poisonous or wonderful, it makes no difference. I can’t let that proverbial door slam, forever. It’s too terrifying. What if, god forbid, they don’t come back?
I realized today it takes strength to let go. Strength that as of this moment in time I don’t possess, but that in time I know, will come.
The biggest test of all, I have passed. I have let go of the longest standing non-familial relationship in my life. Let go of someone who at one point was my partner, best friend, companion, husband and the father of my children. So if I can let that go, I can let go of anything. Right?
Perhaps I’m stronger then I think.