Letting Go

Today a friend told me, “Sarah I think you have a problem letting go”. My first reaction was to say “wait no I don’t, and who are you to tell me I do?!” But then I thought about it and realized, he was indeed correct; I in fact do, have a problem letting go.
   
But doesn’t everyone? I mean when we move from phase to phase in our lives isn’t it difficult for most people to let go? When you let go you lose that security blanket, regardless of whether it’s the warm fuzzy kind, or the kind that wraps its self around your neck like a Boa Constrictor. Either way, it’s familiar. It’s known. It’s safe.

I thought about this for a while, and reminisced on the past year in my own life. I began to realize that indeed I had been clinging to many things, that were both unhealthy and crippling. I think when you go through a traumatizing experience like what I went through last year, sometimes it’s easier to just bury it in the bottom of the ocean, as it were. Tell yourself this equates “letting go”. That way you can look yourself in the mirror every morning and say, “I’m doing fine. I’m healthy. I’m surviving this”. But until it’s legitimately dealt with and truly set free in your spirit, you cling to things that make much less, logical sense.
  
And I realized that I’m one of those individuals who can’t handle it when people are mad at me. I hate it. I obsess about it. I need to convince them they are wrong, and that the situation must be reevaluated. This is “NOT letting go” at its finest! I just can’t do it. I can’t say, “well forget you! I’m never talking to you again!” Although, God knows I have done that many times to some of the most critical people in my life. I will then move heaven and earth to win them back. I can’t cut them from my life, poisonous or wonderful, it makes no difference. I can’t let that proverbial door slam, forever. It’s too terrifying. What if, god forbid, they don’t come back?
To this day there are people in my life that I want desperately to be able to say “enough is enough” and move on, let go. But with that goes the “what if”, the unknown. The security the relationship, in whatever capacity has provided.
  
I realized today it takes strength to let go. Strength that as of this moment in time I don’t possess, but that in time I know, will come.
   
The biggest test of all, I have passed. I have let go of the longest standing non-familial relationship in my life. Let go of someone who at one point was my partner, best friend, companion, husband and the father of my children. So if I can let that go, I can let go of anything. Right?

Perhaps I’m stronger then I think.
*this is an interactive blog, please leave your thoughts and I will respond 🙂

7 Comments

  • Anonymous
    January 23, 2012 - 3:25 pm | Permalink

    Dear Sarah…
    I´ve been thru hell since I found out I´ve been cheated… The worse is, even after months it all happened and I had already signed the divorce, I still feel so hopeless and depressed, I am affraid I´ll never recover from this pain… From the minute I wake up to the one I fall sleep my head is loaded with all types of thougths, the ones which make me feel the worse human being… And I question my sanity after all this… I want so much to feel better and move on,… but only my will doesn´t help me stand up long… I didn´t really want to look for a psycologist… Your story and the tip about the vision board made me want to try thou… J.

  • January 24, 2012 - 5:26 am | Permalink

    I wish I could explain what reading this today meant to me. All I can say is that God and the Universe work in ways we cant always understand and your message to me today resulted in me making a very big personal decision. All I can saw is thank you, I needed to read that today. I am honored and blessed beyond words that my story has given you hope. It does get better, I promise you. If there is one truth I trust above all else, it is that in life there really is a reason for everything we experience and in my case my end result is exactly what I always wanted. Hold true and keep believing that it will get better and I promise you it does 🙂
    xox
    Sarah

  • Anonymous
    January 24, 2012 - 6:53 am | Permalink

    I’ve had a letting go experience like that..it truly has been one of those if I can survive this and let go of a heart break of this magnitude, I can survive anything life throws at me.

    And I did it, I finally let go, but honestly part of me died in the letting go process and sometimes I fear my cynicism and my walls will be my life partner.

    I’m not trying to rain on anyone’s Law of attraction parade. I’ve stated this before, that what I love about you Sarah is that you are not living in Law of Attraction/Secret la la land. Sometimes shit just happens and we did nothing to attract it. I do think we can channel our energy into attracting something good to replace the shit. I need to feel that I truly did nothing to “attract” my recent boyfriend to stop loving me. I didnt attract all the garbage at my job, my co worker who embezzled money attracted it and I have to suffer. I didnt attract my cat dying..he’s 17 and it was just his time. I am trying to rise above all my recent losses by using the LOA to bring light at the end of my tunnel. Sometimes all I can do is look at my vision board and write down my mantra..My life is filled with abundance and somehow I am going to end up in a better place than if I let myself spiral downward. Well, I am rambling and I’ve actually had a few glasses of wine so I hope my spelling is ok. I’m glad I dont have to be zen-buddha purist to make this LOA stuff work. I’m a human who is doing the best that she can….Rhonda Jones/via FB

    • January 24, 2012 - 7:05 am | Permalink

      Rhonda you sooooo right. Sometimes shit happens. OMG shit happens to me allllll the time, 2011 was a freakin nightmare half of the time! But what the LOA does for me is get me through it. Because to me I don’t believe I am powerful enough to stop all that from happening, but what it has taught me is that most of the time there is a greater plan for me then I can see at the time and all that crap is just moving things around in my life to make room for what I really want. And I’ve seen it happen over and over again, so now I KNOW to trust it.

      Today was a super hard, shitty day. I had to walk away from the love of my life, because the timing is just not right. There is part of me that wants to hate a lot of things right now, and doesn’t understand why I attracted this perfect person to me, who is the description of everything I’ve asked for yet the timing is not right and I still have to walk away… I don’t know why right now, and I’m pissed no lie. But I still trust the process. I trust that I’ve learned some beautiful things and if I could attract something so amazing once then I can do it again and next time the stars will align.

      I just have to believe it. I don’t have a choice. The other option is to sit down and cry all day and feel sorry for myself and life’s too short for that bullshit. So we press on… 🙂
      lots of love! thanks for sharing 🙂 it will get better, that much i KNOW.

  • Anonymous
    January 29, 2012 - 2:19 am | Permalink

    Thank you for your response. You always seem to say exactly the right thing. Like I said, I love your no bs approach to the LOA.

    I am going through a similar issue. I too, found the partner who seemed like all I’d ever waited for. I’m 43, divorced and had my shares of disappointment, but I met the most perfect man not long after I’d read The Secret and had begun practicing the LOA. I attributed finding this man to my doing the LOA, so when the relationship ended, I began blaming myself for somehow doing the LOa wrong. I felt like I’d attracted our break up and even that the LOA was punishing me. This was not the case, but more negative thoughts were adding more negativity to my life.
    Your story is helping me process this whole thing. I realize that the timing of my relationship was way off too. I love your description of lightening striking twice and I believe it can too.
    I’m now coping with the possibly loss of a job as well but I am working at having no fear. My latest mantra (developed by some of your quotes) is Everything happens for a reason. and God/Universe wants the best for me. I had to renew my mantra as my old mantra of My life is blessed w abundance had grown stale and wasnt exciting to me anymore. Anyway, thanks for encouraging me from 3000 miles away..I believe we are all connected in some unique way so maybe soon I’ll be encouraging someone as well! Rhonda from FB

    • January 29, 2012 - 3:30 am | Permalink

      I totally agree, we all help each other along this path.. and i’m so glad my story has helped you. It’s soooooo hard when the timing is off but everything else is there, OMG I feel you believe me. It’s very frustrating, but I have to believe that in the end the right thing for my full dream is still out there, that this was close, but NOT perfect… faith gets me through the hard days. But it doesn’t mean the hard days don’t suck ass…

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