I’m not even gonna bother lying here, it plain sucks ass. I’m so freaking glad I never had to do it before now. I managed to get to the ripe old age of 33 having never dated, having married my first love.
I never had to pound a drink just so I could find a good reason to bail on a bad first date.
Never had to wonder if I should wait an hour or five minutes before responding to a text.
Never had to leave without saying goodbye.
Never wondered who they were texting when they were right there with me.
Never had to assume the worst. Then be right.
Never had to laugh when it really wasn’t funny.
Never had to tell a stranger my life story. Over and over again.
Never had to pretend to be interested.
Never had to put myself out there, time and again, always for the same result.
I don’t know how to date. Let’s just be honest! This is not something 34 year old women should be learning how to do for the first time. This is the kinda crap you learn by age 18 or maybe your early 20’s. Ya know, get your heart broken a few times, start being jaded.
I think I finally see the point to being jaded, before I thought “no I’m bigger then that”. I was bound and determined to give everyone a fair start, “not bring the baggage”. But I see clearly now that being jaded is what protects us, it’s our defense mechanism, and it’s brilliant! Really and truly it’s getting harder and harder not to be, so I think in the interest of saving time and additional heartache, I’m gonna embrace it with open arms.
Its 2010, I resolve to:
NOT ware my hart on my sleeve.
NOT show my hand.
NOT become attached.
It’s been a year and I’m completely exhausted! How do people do this the majority of their life? Who has the energy? I vote for my kids/me/myself/my career and I.’
Written by: Sarah Centrella