Letting Go of The Love of Your Life.

Saying goodbye to the love of your life. #lovehurts #goodbye "Letting Go of the Love of Your Life." How do you let go of the one person who you feel was your soul mate? Is there more than one true love of your life? CLICK TO READ
How to let go of the love of your life…
Two years ago I met the love of my life.
It was one of those cosmically aligned moments, when I ran into a stranger in an elevator who changed my life and stole my heart. The connection was instant and undeniable.
For the next year my heart went through every possible emotion.  The most prominent of which was; finding the one person you’ve spent your whole life searching for, the one that is the perfect match to you in every way, but knowing from the start that it would never last. It was that tragic. That heartbreaking –can’t-do-shit-about-it- life’s-a-bitch- kinda love that rips your heart out.  Yet when you fall in love, you  have no control over it, even if you know the chances for survival are minimal at best. It just is what it is.

I didn’t believe in love at first sight until our eyes locked that day. I thought it was something writers and fairytales invented to keep us wishing for some magic that probably never existed. But from our first eye contact, it was there, as crazy as it sounds.  If you’ve ever found this kinda love, then you know it doesn’t sound crazy at all.  There was no denying it, on both sides. And from that moment on as we spent time getting to know each other, knowing that our timing would not mesh.

I asked God and the Universe (or whatever else was listening)…why? Why do this to me? Why put me through something so pointlessly painful. Why bring him into my life in such a fates-collide kinda way, only to not let him stay? 

I don’t know the answer to that question.  I wish I did. I wish it would reveal itself to me. Because even now two years later, the thought of him makes me want to cry. No matter what I’ve done to try and move past it the last year, to put him behind me and except that it wasn’t meant to be, he’s still always with me.

I share this with you because, almost every single day for the past few years a reader will write to me from somewhere in the world with a story just like this one.  They always ask me: “How do I get the love of my life back?” And I always say… you don’t.

You let them go.

“But!” They protest, “I want you to tell me how to make the Law of Attraction bring them back”.

And again I say… not how it works my friend. Believe me this is not what I would want to hear either. But it’s what I’ve come to know is true. And the only thing that keeps my heart from bleeding out, is knowing and trusting that there must be some crazy higher power at work, dreaming up a bigger dream for me than my little brain can do for itself.  Because to me he was perfect. To me he was all I’ve ever thought I wanted.  But that’s not the reality.

The reality is that if it was perfect and if he was the one for me, it would have worked out. It wouldn’t be a tragic love story. It would have been happily ever after.  And it’s not.

"Letting Go of the Love of Your Life." How do you let go of the one person who you feel was your soul mate? Is there more than one true love of your life? CLICK TO READSo what I must do, and what you must do if you find yourself in a similar situation, loving someone who didn’t chose you.  Or who left you. Or who doesn’t love you as much as you love them, you must let them go.  You must trust that there is something greater and better at work for you.  And then you must look at all the reasons that person came into your life.  And all the things they taught you about yourself.  And realize that maybe they came into your life, not to be there forever, but to teach you something that will make you ready when forever finds you.

It’s hard. I know this. There hasn’t been a day that’s passed the last two years when I’ve not thought of him. Maybe that will always be the case, I don’t know.  But the year of heart-brokenness, and pain, and tears, and emptiness has finally passed. And it will for you too.

The lessons he taught me about myself, and the awakening I had about my life; my past, the way I love and seek love, all of those things are priceless. They are the reason I was able to write my memoir.  Was able to finally find happiness inside myself instead of seek it in a man. He raised the bar to a level I never thought I could expect, and he softened a heart that was quickly growing cold.

For all those reasons I’ll love him always. But over time I’ve been able to let him as a person go, and still hold on to those qualities and realize that maybe they will manifest in someone even more perfect.  And even if they don’t I will be okay.

And lastly, if he really is my sole mate, then time and age and distance and life won’t matter.  Somehow, someway, someday, he may reappear. But that’s not what I focus on. There’s nothing I can do to make that happen. I’ve learned through trial and error that the only love I want in my life is one that is equally unmatched and where equal sacrifice is made, and until that is the case chasing after it will do no good.

I remain hopeful, and steadfast in my belief that whatever is meant to be for me will find me.  I’m not going to chase it, seek it, or hunt it down. I’ve drawn it to me before I will again, and so will you. Don’t let your heart ever stop believing that somewhere out there someone was meant to keep it safe for you.

Wonder if we ran into each other in an elevator today if we’d still have that
spark.. If we’d still feel that magic?  Hope you’re good, and happy, I
want that for you.
And I want for my heart to forget what it felt like, when u said my name...

 

Time to say goodbye to the love of your life.

 


 

49 Comments

  • August 9, 2013 - 12:50 pm | Permalink

    The Love of my Life and I married way back in 1965…….divorced 1970…… got together again in 1983 for a couple of years but ………… we were married to others so we parted……….. he’s moved countries, we’ve both married again ………… he’s still the love of my life, my knees go weak just writing this as I think about him, but love is not always enough. There has to be more and it is a sad fact of life, honesty and caring HAVE to go along with the love but I am thankful to have’ loved and lost then never to have loved at all’!
    I have a friend who has been married for 30 odd years but never known this kind of love …… that is sad.

  • Anonymous
    August 14, 2013 - 3:36 pm | Permalink

    “The lessons he taught me about myself, and the awakening I had about my life, my past, the way I love and seek love, all of those things are priceless.”

    That is totally how I feel right now! Recently went through a bad breakup but I am reaching the point where I am just grateful for all that it taught me. I am stronger and wiser from the experience.

    • April 24, 2014 - 4:43 pm | Permalink

      everyone really does come into our life to teach us something…it’s up to us to learn and to appreciate the love we received from them.

  • Anonymous
    August 29, 2013 - 5:15 pm | Permalink

    I needed to read this today Sarah. As always when I need some guidance I come to your blog , it just so happens today there was a recent post by you about love lost. Breaking up is never easy even thou we both agree that its time for us to part ways. I feel mixed emotions about him leaving, I think I only want him to stay for fear of being alone yet again. I do miss him not being here on a day to day basis. My problem is getting over the being alone and wondering what he is doing or with whom. How to I get these thought out of my head?

    • April 24, 2014 - 4:44 pm | Permalink

      I’ve finally come to the place where I’d rather be alone then be with anything less than what I felt with this man. Once you know it exists it makes you refuse to settle.

      • robert
        February 21, 2015 - 3:20 pm | Permalink

        Wow….my feelings exactly. Her name is faith and I have never experienced anything close to the love that we shared together. Nothing will ever, ever compare and my heart will never fully mend, yet at the same time I am so incredibly grateful to have experienced this once in a life time love even though it was for such a brief period of time. I will take her memory to the grave and nobody or nothing can ever take that away from me. I love you faith. – Robert

        • Robert
          February 21, 2015 - 3:38 pm | Permalink

          If by some chance the universe/god has led you to this message faith, please always know that no matter how much time has passed, no matter where I am, no matter what the circumstances, my heart will always belong to you. – Robert

  • Anonymous
    September 29, 2013 - 4:11 am | Permalink

    i can totally relate to this, I thought the person I met was my soul mate, haven’t spoken to her in over 6 months now. Still having a really hard time dealing with loosing her, hope this didn’t work out for a bigger reason that makes no sense to me at this moment, but will at a later time.

    • Anonymous
      December 30, 2013 - 1:43 am | Permalink

      i feel your pain, but mine left me a month ago, we’ve still seen each other on and off though, but thats not fair on either of us to hold onto something that she wanted to let go of, 3weeks after we broke up shes already started kissing other people, and for some reason she found this amusing, right now, my heart is so crushed, and empty and hallow, i hope it gets better

    • April 24, 2014 - 4:45 pm | Permalink

      I feel your pain… boy do I!

  • Anonymous
    December 13, 2013 - 1:58 am | Permalink

    It has been a year and a half since he broke my heart and i still cannot seem to forget him. I try so hard to move on but the memories of our times together makes it practically impossible. For me, our relationship was perfect, he was perfect! I don’t know why he didn’t see what i saw!
    It is just so hard because i feel like i will never love or share things with anyone else like i did with him. It breaks my heart to think that he was everything i could want, but he didn’t feel the same about me!!

    • April 24, 2014 - 4:47 pm | Permalink

      That is the WORST. loving someone who doesn’t love you to the same degree… i think that if you both equally love each other it works out, but if one isn’t in it as much as the other it doesn’t… at least that’s what happened to me.

  • Adam W
    August 8, 2014 - 11:57 am | Permalink

    Just read this and I hope that the girl I’ve had to let go to pursue her dreams crosses my path again one day and realizes how much I loved her to let her walk out of my life. From the word go it was going to be so difficult to make work and we had such an amazing 4 and a half months. She as a person is perfect for me, but the situation of life ruled against it though.

    • November 23, 2014 - 4:36 pm | Permalink

      It’s often so hard to accept, but it really is true that if you let someone go and they come back then it’s right, if not then the universe was lookin out for you.

  • Jayne
    August 16, 2014 - 7:21 am | Permalink

    I let go of the love of my life 2 years ago and after 18 months we found each other again. He is now engaged to someone else, but I have seen him and the love between us is still there. You can feel it in the air. We won’t act on it, as he is hers now and we screwed things up so badly last time that we can’t go back. I thought I had let him go completely but now realise I never stopped loving him and it feels like I have started from scratch again in trying to move on, with little success. I want to believe that there is something more special planned for me, but I don’t know how I can love someone new when my heart still belongs to him.

    • Sarah
      September 25, 2014 - 3:54 pm | Permalink

      My heart truly goes out to you. It feels like a cosmic slap in the face. Here’s everything you want, but can’t have! 🙁

    • November 23, 2014 - 4:40 pm | Permalink

      I know that feeling, believe me. The only thing that gave me some peace was knowing that the universe/God or whatever you want to call it knows my future when I don’t and KNOWs that this person was not right for me. I really do believe that if it’s meant to be things will work out and “the stars will align” if not then i have to trust that this one is NOT the one. As a side note a few months ago I found out some information about the man in this post that fully supports this belief. Now that i know what i do, I KNOW the universe was protecting me from him. So trust it, the right one will come along…

  • Rachael
    September 18, 2014 - 6:44 pm | Permalink

    yeah…i have to get myself together and move on. It was never meant to last,and i knew it from the very beggining.

    Sometimes,lifes just life and it deeply sucks,but you gotta deal with it.

  • Sarah
    September 25, 2014 - 3:50 pm | Permalink

    I came across this, as i am in this situation right now it feels impossible to let go, I wonder, as its been over a year since your wrote this, has it become any easier?

    • November 23, 2014 - 4:43 pm | Permalink

      Hi Sarah, it took me basically three years to get over him. It was the hardest thing i’ve ever gone through from the aspect of my heart. I thought I’d never get over it. But the last year was much better for sure, time really does heal a broken heart. And not being in contact with the person helps a lot. And recently i found out the truth about what kinda person he was that shed much better light on our relationship and who he is as a person, and I can tell you that worked like a charm!! haha it was like magic and i was finally totally DONE. So it does get better I promise.

  • Stacy Smith
    February 23, 2015 - 8:27 pm | Permalink

    We all read false hopeless statements online, the little sayings that are suppose to give us hope; “He’ll come back”, “Wait for him” and so on, a part of moving on is being honest with yourself. Be honest enough to realize things may or may not work out with you and him. It’s hard, yes I know. But once you’re honest with yourself about the realization that maybe he won’t come back to you, is when either way the situation could resolve, you’ll be okay with it.

  • Lucky
    July 29, 2015 - 12:10 am | Permalink

    You say you suffered for a year. What happens when that becomes 4 years, when you try to move on, see other people and subconsciously sabotage every chance for one reason or another but mostly because you want no one else. What then? I’m not in deep depression but have rather learned to be ascetic, almost monk-like. While it has its benefits and maybe that was the lesson to learn…I want this feeling to end or maybe realize that I need to look in the mirror and realize I have to fight for who I want, even if I just fight myself in the process. Thoughts?

    • August 10, 2015 - 10:18 am | Permalink

      You just need to realize that all the energy you are wasting on a person who’s moved on with their life is blocking your own happiness. Do you really want to give them that much power over your life? What we think about is what keep showing up in our life, so if you are always looking in the past you will never be able to move forward. Instead put your focus and your energy into what YOU want in your life. Focusing on making your life as full, complete and happy as possible. Focus on what you want in a mate and trust that the Universe will bring it to you when your ready. Allowing someone who doesn’t love us to keep us from happiness is kinda crazy… thats what i finally had to come to terms with. It’s time to get your life back! You can do it!

  • August 20, 2015 - 5:10 am | Permalink

    I broke up with my boyfriend of almost 3 years a little over a month ago and even though I left him, I can’t stop thinking about him, missing him, and loving him. I left because he had rage issues, would say very harsh things to me and all of it was taking a toll on my health and well being. I keep thinking of the good times we had together and keep wondering if I had done things differently maybe I wouldn’t be in this situation right now. My family saw how he treated me and said I needed to leave him which was true and many times I would say I know that I need to leave him, but my heart and my head are not matching. I had never been treating the way that he treated me in the begiñing; so sweet calling all of the time, sending me his favorite sweatshirt and teddy bears, I moved in 2013 from one state to another to live together and I have all of these memories that hurt so bad. Even after I left he doesn’t really acknowledge WHY I left, but chooses to focus on the way that I left (my family warned me not to let him know I was leaving him because we couldn’t gauge what his reaction would be if he knew in advance that I was leaving him,so he went to work and came home to find that I had left). I have guilt over doing it this way, and I did it this way only because my Mom said she was scared that she’d have a “dead daughter” if I had told him I was leaving. He says that he would never do that to me, and I hurt him so horribly the way that I left him and that he loved me more than he loved himself and he was so hurt the way that I left. I can’t get over this and I’m in so much emotional pain. He seems to have moved on and now doesn’t respond to my messages. I need help.

  • Anon
    January 20, 2016 - 12:01 pm | Permalink

    I met my soulmate 14 years ago. We let each other go because neither of us were healthy enough for the type of love we had for one another. Recently, we came back to one another through no planning of our own, just happened to be around each other. All of the love and feelings remain. The connection is somehow more powerful after all this time and we know that this love is once in a lifetime… However, over the 14 years, I got married. Now my whole world has fallen down around me. I don’t know how to navigate losing my soulmate for a second time, but I take my marriage vows seriously.

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