Broken Hearts Never Mend…

Vanishing Broken Heart…

I’ve been wondering of late at what point the human heart shuts down, and emotions end? When does your heart say, “Look I’ve had enough. I’m tired of being betrayed, stabbed in the back, left to slowly bleed out. I’m done. I have no more to give. To anyone. Leave me alone.” 

What pushes it to that point? Where it’s walls are so thick and so high and so immovable that nothing can get through. Where it’s turned to stone. Indifferent and cold. How many darts can be hurled at it from all types of sources? How many knives twisting to the core? How many times can it be shattered, abandoned, stabbed, disappointed, emptied and left for dead before it simply vanishes?

And then what?

What happens when it’s a lump of gannet in your chest? Does it ever go back to pliable sand? What would motivate it to care? And why after years of friends, family, lovers, trying to drain the life out of it, why would it ever want to?

Broken hearts never mend. They may put a turnikate on and keep functioning. They may even close the gaping wound over time. But they never really, fully mend. The scars are there. And after a while scars upon scars turn to cartilage (I’m no doctor, but even I know that!)… and cartilage becomes so think and unflexible that it causes it’s own pain in addition to the pain it’s covering up.

It’s a very real fear I have. The past few years have taken their tole on my heart from every angle. I believe that in life you get what you give… which leaves me as the common denominator, I’m smart enough to figure that out. But I look at the ones who’ve thrown daggers in the front and back of my heart the past few years including my immediate family, and all the ones I’ve put myself out there for and loved only to be betrayed in the end… and I ask myself the very serious question…What the fuck?

In each case circumstances vary. Family is definitely different than lovers, and friends obviously. But all I can think is, how can someone who’s professed their love for you turn their back so quickly?  To steel a line from Katy Perry… “spit me out like I was poison in your mouth”. It’s a valid question. I can’t think of anyone in my lifetime that I have treated that way. Where one day I was on their side, and in their corner and the next I was throwing them under the bus. Standing by to watch it crush them with a satisfied smirk on my face. I just don’t have that in me. I’m full of flaws, obviously. But I could never be cold and malicious like that. I can’t get my head around how many people are that way though. Why are they always the ones I wind up trusting? When will my dumbass learn?

Broken Heart… never brakes even

I don’t want to give up on whats good and beautiful in life. I don’t want to close my heart to the opportunity of how amazing love can be, but at what point does that stop being my choice? I don’t want to wake up one day ten years from now and realize that it happened long ago. I know I can control it, but that takes the desire and will to rise above yet again… and I’m just so tired.

 

 

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46 Comments

  • Anonymous
    March 7, 2012 - 12:50 pm | Permalink

    Sarah,

    No, you would never throw someone under the bus. You are right. It’s just not you. I don’t know why people are the way they are (backstabbing…and on and on) but I know that it’s wrong. For what it’s worth, you taught me a lot about how to be. I’m sorry it’s been like it’s been like this for you for the past few years. Ironically, it’s been the same way for me. I think it’s a combinaton of our age – the sick systems of our past are just not enough to keep us bound to them anymore. We know there’s a better way to be and we keep trying – which leads to 2) We are trying for something better, more kind, more true – and that’s the ultimate threat for those old powerful people in our lives who want us to continue to revolve around them. We are not turning out the way they thought we would. We are turning out better – and how sad that they cannot be happy for us. I’m walking with you, girl. You are not alone!
    -Cupcake B.

  • March 7, 2012 - 5:29 pm | Permalink

    Thank you B… That means a lot to me. And we have learned a lot from each other over the years that’s for sure. And your right, maybe it’s just that my tolerance for it is so low now that when it happens I see it and then walk away. Maybe in my younger days I would try to work it out or give people second chances, now I’ve learned that if someone does it once they will do it a hundred times, so what’s the point? I just don’t get how people change so quickly… it will always astound me. Loyalty is something so few people believe in any more. It’s sad. Love ya mama 🙂

    • Anonymous
      March 8, 2012 - 8:12 pm | Permalink

      Sarah, first of all THANK YOU for publishing my story, Miracle By Chance on your website and with the wonderful comments about it. I just read your story, Broken Hearts Never End and I can also relate to your story as I’ve been through a lot of crap thoughout my life as well. My so glad my story inspired you and trust me, things do take time in life for wonderful things to happen like they finally did with me. I was 51 when I met my Husband and he totally changed my life with wonderful uplifing life we have together and a very trusting, loyal and respectful relationship. Sometimes we have to wait for something beautiful to happen and it’s all worth the wait as certain things just arn’t right in the past, but you never know what the future will bring to us! You seem like a very nice person and you will get what you deserve in time being the person you are. You have 3 beautiful children from your pictures and I can tell you’re a wonderful mother. I’ve also listened to your videos and I can tell by listening and watching you, that you are very special! Hang in there as dreams to come true like it did for me!

      Jeannette

    • March 8, 2012 - 8:18 pm | Permalink

      Thank you Jeannette so much. Your story definitely touched me and came at the right time. I always believe the people come into our lives for a purpose and it’s up to us to learn the lessons from it. I’ve felt strongly that the person I met is one that some day some how will come back into my life when the time is right, and maybe that is or isn’t true but it’s still encouraging to hear that it can and does happen. And that closing your heart off to emotion is never the right decision to make, even though it’s the easy one. Thanks again for sharing your story with us!

  • Anonymous
    March 8, 2012 - 11:03 pm | Permalink

    Gee lots of typos I had in my comments for your story, Broken Hearts Never Mend, and etc., sorry! I should proof read more often before sending lol

    Jeannette

    • March 9, 2012 - 5:10 pm | Permalink

      haha well i’m to WORST at that so dont feel bad and I’m no good at proofing either!

  • Anonymous
    April 18, 2012 - 7:09 am | Permalink

    Nice piece of writing and life-story… thanks for sharing .. we are here to learn from each other… scars of heartbreak will never be vanished but we have to show the betrayed ones that we can survive, to live a new life … once deceived by one person does not mean deceived by all.. we must always be realistic and optimistic..
    Zafar Jan

  • August 10, 2013 - 2:24 pm | Permalink
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  • April 6, 2014 - 5:58 am | Permalink

    After being in relationship with my husband for nine years,he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the fake ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster, his email is okunspelltemple@outlook.com

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