This is a follow-up to my last post: Postpartum of a Dream. Writing that post helped me to process so much of what I’d been avoiding for the past year, and helped start my journey back to where I need to be. I received a ton of messages, and comments on Facebook from people showing support, and I’m so grateful for all the love. I hope it also opened the discussion about what you might feel once you’ve reached a major goal in life, many people reached out to me saying they’ve experienced something similar. This all has reinforced my belief that I must always be REAL with you (and myself), even when it’s painfully difficult.
So the following is how I got out of my funk. It took conscious effort (as it always does to get anything we want), but I was finally ready to put in that work. And I have to say that within 48 hours I felt like a new women! It doesn’t take long for us to turn it around, we just have to WANT to and be COMMITTED to getting results.
I’d known for about a year that I was suppressing and avoiding a lot of emotions that I figured would some day come back to bite me in the ass, but I consciously chose to put them off. Until the day I wrote that post. That was when I decided that no matter what, I was going to turn this shit around. I would face the emotional things I needed to address, work on processing everything I’d been shoving down, and turn on my hustle to make a change.
You too, will have to get to a place where you make a concrete decision to change. Nothing can happen until you’ve truly reached this point. Rock bottom is great for forcing this issue, as it was for me. So if you haven’t hit it yet, consider yourself lucky! Take action now, because I can assure you from experience, that rock bottom is coming to FORCE the issue if you keep putting it off.
Everything starts with our thoughts (#ThinkIT) and though I KNOW this, I still needed to go back and start addressing mine on a minute by minute basis to get them back on track. I applied my own tools like Power of Pause and Mental Tennis to get those pesky negative voices under control, and turn them into empowerment. I rewrote my “I am” statements, and created a brand new motto (my other #GoToMotto hadn’t had an upgrade in a while).
See, I’d been allowing negative thoughts to creep in, and I’d started listening to them. Ones that said shit like; “You’ve peaked. That was it. You failed. You’ll never make your ultimate goal. That was as good as it gets. Maybe your dream isn’t even what you really want anymore. Maybe you want to settle for what you have. Maybe you’re a narcissistic bitch if you keep pushing the issue and keep trying for the ‘impossible‘” Well, yeah… you get the idea. Those are thoughts I’d previously never allowed into my brain, because my belief had been so strong that they seemed ridiculous. But sometimes when things don’t go the way we want, when we want it, we start lying to ourselves and saying; “we’ll maybe it’s just not meant to be.” That BTW, that’s the biggest crock of shit ever. That’s just what we tell ourselves as an excuse to give up.
3. I got some peace and quiet.
I’ve never really meditated outside of hot yoga, so I’m not even sure how to do it, or if I was doing it “right” or not, all I know is that it REALLY HELPED!
Let’s just say mornings in my house are normally hella stressful, getting three kids ready for school and out the door by 8:00 AM, is not my idea of a good time. I’m not a morning person by any stretch of the imagination, which adds to the drama of our mornings. This can lead to a ruined day for me pretty quickly. Because if I wind up snapping at the kids as we get ready, or in the car on the way to school, then I beat myself up about it all day, feeling like a mom-ster. If I don’t yell, we’ll be late, and then I feel like a train-wreck that can’t get her kids to school on time. It’s normally a lose lose.
So I decided to start each morning off with brand new energy. I sit on the carpet criss-cross-applesauce, in front of my open patio door, where the chilly morning air can fill my lungs… I close my eyes, and breathe. I face my palms to the sky, touching my thumb and second finger, in yoga meditation pose, and I recite my power mantra: “I receive positivity, happiness, wealth, joy and health. I release negativity and struggle.” I do that maybe 10 times mentally saying the positive on the inhale, and the negative on the exhale. Then I spend about two minutes saying my memorized “I am’s,” out loud (I am beautiful, I am loved, I am successful, I am blessed…. something like that). Then I go about my morning. Mind you, this whole process takes about five minutes. I’ve done it every morning, and I can say there have been no blow-ups to date (even when we’re late), and that’s a major win in my book!
Without even realizing it I’d let a ton of shit go. I’m not proud of this, but it just kinda happened slowly over the past year. I’d stopped taking my vitamins, I’d started eating shameful food, I’d stopped drinking water, and I’d quit the gym. So of course I was feeling like hell!
I had to realize that my physical well-being was connected to my mental, and be willing to address them BOTH. So I started doing all the things I’m supposed to do (which I’ve done most of my life, so my brain thankfully had muscle memory). Like: drink water (not diet coke), eat healthy (no Big Mac!), take my multi’s, hit the gym, get my nails done, get a spray tan, wear make-up when I leave the house, get dressed in REAL clothes, and finally SLEEP.
And wow! My energy went up almost immediately! I joined a family gym for the first time ever, and the kids and I have gone every day after dinner… we all feel so much better!
I had to come to a place where I was okay with the current outcomes and ready to transition my focus and energy on the next project, instead of wallowing.
If we don’t stay forward thinking we get stuck. I’d been focused on the past, the lack of action in the present, and I’d let it get to me, because I’d stopped focusing on my #BigPictureDream. I needed to go back and remember that publishing my book (Hustle Believe Receive) was only step ONE, of many, not my end game. So getting hung up on it, made no sense.
To get past that, I started taking action on my next dream. Started #DreamIT all over again for the next phase of my journey, so that I could start to rebuild my passion. Just remember that if our life has gone stagnant, and isn’t moving forward the way we want it to; it’s probably because we stopped focusing on where we want to go, and focused instead on where we currently are (which keeps us stuck).
Last summer I’d gone through a pretty traumatic experience with someone very close to me which broke my heart. After that I just shut down emotionally and went into full self-preservation mode. A month later I lost my beloved Noni, the one person who’d always loved me without condition or expectation. Then all the book launch craziness resulted in more people exiting my life. After the book came out, even more people close to me vanished, most of the relationships that were dearest to me, ones that were part of my daily life, had all ended in the last twelve months. So yeah, I had some stuff I needed to face and deal with, but understandably, I didn’t want to. Instead I chose to feel dead inside and alone, until my rock bottom. That’s when I realized that not addressing all those feelings and emotions, and not properly grieving those losses, was actually holding me back from success and happiness. I knew it needed to be “fixed.” But here is where I felt stumped. All the rest of this stuff I’ve done before to get through “lulls” in my journey, and it’s always worked. But this time I knew I needed outside help to address the emotional stuff I’d buried, so I could open my heart again.
About a week into my new commitment to get out of my funk, two of my former #HBRBootcamp clients messaged me, I took it as the Universe telling me to pay attention. Nicky is one of my clients who’s also a Reiki coach, and Cindy who’s a Faster EFT tapping coach. So I said “let’s do this!” And though I knew nothing about either, I know these women and their energy, and have seen the #HBRMethod work in their lives and went into each session with an open mind.
Let me just say that each session was INCREDIBLE. I’d never done anything like it before, but man did they rock my world! I had gotten to the place where I couldn’t feel anything. I hadn’t cried over all the loss I’d experienced in the past year, I’d not even really given it any attention, so these sessions allowed all that to break free. It allowed me to mourn the losses and find peace with them, and then realize that there is still beauty and love that surrounds me with each loss.
So if you know that you have blocks that you’re not able to break through on your own, maybe give one of these methods a shot. I’m all for trying what works and using methods that are aligned with the positive message I believe in. I’m telling you, it has freed me.
Note: I did my sessions on Skype, so you don’t have to be physically with your coach for these tools to work.
It’s now been a few weeks and I can tell you I feel 200x’s better! I am back on my hustle and excited about my next challenge. And the amazing thing I’ve learned, is that when we push past these low points, and keep going, that’s when the flood gates open and we are rewarded. Two days after I’d posted “Postpartum,” I had an amazing meeting with an agent who I’ll be working with to turn my next book, my memoir, into a feature film! So see? You gotta just keep on going baby! Our thoughts and inaction get us into “funks,” and our thoughts and actions can get us out.