Family

Family. This word means so many different things to different people. It has no single definition, no right or wrong description. The word family is defined by each of us in different ways. Some may consider only those in their intimate, immediate circle of blood relations family. Others may extend that to friends, or other networks.

But to me, family is my brothers and sisters, parents and children. This group of individuals regardless of what may occur in life, will always be bound by not only blood, but that word as well. The word that transcends blood, that forgives faults, that holds us when we cry that toasts to our accomplishments, that is family.

Family supports you when you’re at your lowest point, they rally behind you, they raise you up.

Family beams with pride at graduations, tells everyone they know about your accomplishments.

Family understands as life changes so does our relationships with one another, but it’s not threatened in this knowledge. It remains confident, in the roots that run deeper and stronger then change.

Family keeps the faith when the rest of the world looses it.

Family defends you, fights for you, protects you. Loves you.

I’m blessed to know some of the most intelligent, amazingly strong, resilient and beautiful people on the planet, but more so because they are my brothers and sisters. They empower and amaze me. They give me strength and courage.

They inspire me to succeed, to become a better person. Their feedback enables me to do just that.

If I don’t say it often enough, I love you, family.

 

Written by: Sarah Centrella

Are Men Capable of Fidelity?

For real…

I’m asking a serious question here because I honestly am not sure they are. Yes, yes women cheat too. I know this. But as a rule, I have more than enough personal proof from the case studies I’ve done (aka dating) the past year and a half to show that all kinds of men, cheat. Most without even being apologetic about it.

The number of men in the last year or so who have been in a relationship yet still tried to date me is astonishing. In some cases they actually came out and told me they had a girl, (yet still tried to pursue me), but in most they just put themselves out there as single.

At least the first category I can half respect.

Those are the straight up tools that are simply looking for action on the side and I give them props for their honesty, though I would never consider their advances.

But the second category….I mean what are they thinking?

What is the point in starting multiple relationships with multiple women? Who has the mind space for that craziness? I know I wouldn’t, it would literally drive me insane. But over and over again, I seem to meet a “nice” guy who I will eventually discover has a “full time girl”. It’s the same story EVERY-time! I could write a script for how it will go down at this point! She will find my number in his phone and call me crying. I will tell her everything she wants to know. I will cut him out of my life, and loose yet another friend. Because regardless of the nature of our “relationship” the friendship aspect is always there and is what’s important and attractive to me.

Or maybe he’ll finally man up and be honest, at which point I’m faced with the decision of, should I tell her?

And always I’m the bad guy. This is the part I can’t understand. He never takes responsibility for his actions. Or his role in the situation. Never apologizes. Just turns from a friend and someone who I had learned to count on in my life, to an overnight psycho, angry at me. This was the case with my ex-husband, who to this day is still angry at ME for him cheating. Go figure!

Seriously what is wrong with these guys? Do they honestly think that in life you can have your cake and eat it too? That there are no consequences for the actions you take? That they are somehow above the rules and that hurting the people closest to them is a risk worth taking?

If I had a man I loved and one who loved me back, I would NEVER consider taking that risk. Never. But maybe that’s the difference. Maybe there are people who are born with a conscience and those who are not.

Regardless….”Don’t look for happiness, or you will not find it” –Eckhart Tolle.

 

 

Written by Sarah Centrella

Tagged with:

County Fair

AHHH what could possibly spell the thick of summer as well as those words?

Growing up, you might say I lived what could be described as a sheltered life (now if there is such a thing as a COLOSSAL understatement that would apply nicely here). Hence, I vividly remember once a year when we would pack up into our Travel-All Wagon and drive the 60 miles to town and spend the ENTIRE day (as in 8 hours) at the Lane County Fair.

The sun would burn our shoulders and exposed arms (SPF…what??) as we weaved through the vendor booths, pitching free hot-tub give-a way’s, or giant lapel pins with your face on them. “Love See’s No Color” T-shirts folded in high smooth stacks on tables. Our feet would be caked in dust and dirt, our fingers sticky from a day of greasy finger food.

We would spend hours in the animal barns, with the 4H kids, looking at ribbons and trophies that seemingly average chickens or sheep had won, only god knows why. We’d judge the look of the home backed pies to see if the ones baring the blue ribbon really looked worthy. We’d plug our noses through the rows of over-stuffed pigs nosily grunting and trying unsuccessfully, due to their massive size to dog pile each other.

The baby chicks were our favorite. Neon yellow little moving fluff balls. Noisy and adorable. The sweet, yet repulsive smell of chicken feed mixed with manure, stinging just a little. (Growing up around animals and farms, there is something comforting about that aroma, something that would only disgust the novas observer).

We would beg our parents for ride tickets, and get the go ahead for one, maybe two as day turned into night. Night at the fair is pure magic, for a kid used to the black nights in the country. The endless badgering of sounds and flashing lights must be similar to how a newly 21-er feels when they see the flashing lights of the Vegas strip for the first time!

We’d finally make the long trek through dusty fields of cars to our dirty Wagon. Then pass out the second our butts hit the backseat, sleeping on each others laps for the long ride home in the pitch dark. Only to wake up the next morning and beg to do it all over again….it did last 10 days after all!

Then in high school the fair took on a whole new meaning. That’s where you went with your HS sweetheart, to waist the summer away. Riding roller coasters and tilt a- whirls, sharing elephant ears, and kissing in the B&W photo booth, to forever seal your love and the memory of a day, a moment, your youth.

You held hands. You visited the animal barns, because they were less crowded therefore, sneaking kisses and coping feels were easier to get away with. If you were lucky enough to have a license and a car (which I’m beaming with pride in this very moment to say I was one of the few and proud in my class! Paid for in cash with summer tips from waiting tables at 15), then you not only brought your lover but some friends as “chaperons’” for the adventure as well.

The summer was hot. Air-conditioning was for the rich, and something we only ever experienced at the mall. So we’d roll all the windows down, and us girls would let our long hair whip around our faces until it stung our cheeks and our eyes watered. We’d blast our hair-band ballads via the trusty cassette tape player, rewinding feverishly to hear again and again Right Here Waiting For You, or more importantly Everything I Do, I Do It For You. We would squeeze our lovers hand tightly and look into their eyes, and promise this was true.

We would be young and in love FOREVER.

No REALLY, forever.

30 was old. 16 was perfect.

We’d drive home an hour to the country, in the blackness of night only the moon or stars to illuminate those dark country nights and narrow windy roads.

We’d be tired, but ALIVE.

Sarah centrella's kids at the fair

Last night, on a spare-of-the-moment decision I walked through our little county fair, near our home hand in hand with my own little brood, (the results of for mentioned high school sweetheart and 8 years of marriage).

Just them, just me.

I’d never been to this fair.

But everything was the same.

I cheered them as they lifted their chubby hands on the final go around of the little dragon roller coaster. I got them bags of cotton candy and Carmel corn.

We danced on the grass to Warrant giving a live concert (yes an 80’s hair-band, who’s Heaven, was a regular rewind in my first car).I showed them the fat piggies and fluffy chicks. We marveled at the massiveness of the draft horses. We felt the velvet nose of “Genius” the clear favorite, Apache gilding.

Strangers stopped us, to complement them and me. One even stopped and said something like “ill pray for you that you’ll find your perfect man, it’s never too late, (yes in front of my kids..What the hell???) You do a great job with them and they are beautiful”…seriously. (It’s weird, trust me I KNOW this!).

And at 2 ½ hours past their bed time I put each girl on my hip, son in tow and trekked my brood through the dark dusty field to our car.

They promptly passed out the minute their butts hit the back seat.

Sometimes life does come full circle, and little things amaze you.

 

 

 

Sarah Centrella is the author of the book Hustle Believe Receive which teaches you how to apply the #HBRMethod to change your life and live your dream.

Follow on social media: Instagram | Twitter | Snapchat | Pinterest | YouTube |Periscope @sarahcentrella

Life’s A Beach!

38615_1445568671872_1521032_n

I love those days when you have an epiphany.

Or maybe it’s just one of those rare moments when you are TRULY in the moment. Whatever it was, today was one of those times.

A year ago I took my little brood to the beach. I carefully packed us up in my little SUV… sand toys, towels, blankets, SPF 50, mountains of snacks, diapers, bottles, 3 changes of clothes for each of them and off we went! They were too anxious and excited to sleep in route as is normally the case, so by mid-afternoon when we arrived post our hour and a half drive everyone was understandably an even split between cranky and excited.
The girls were fresh off their 2nd birthday and Kanen was 6. I was nearing the one-year solo mark. This was an adventure for us, no question. All I can remember is how exhausting a trip it was, I know it was also fun and I have great memories of the girls doing a side-walk street show for the tourist and stopping traffic, but more so I remember, how many times I changed them, how I never sat for more than a second for fear of one of them running head on into the coming surf.

Today was work, I’m not gonna lie. But in comparison it was a cake walk! The girls are 3, Kanen is 7 and I’m starting to get the hang of this solo thing. And like always I’m not about to let it stop me from doing the things I love to do with my 3 little monkeys. Instead of 3 changes of clothes we just needed 2, (how easy is that!) no bottle or diapers, and they now wait patiently until we arrive to eat lunch or dinner, so no huge snack boxes for every second of the day are needed. Just throw the toys and towels in and off we go.

Today, I LAID DOWN on my towel and watched them build sandcastles and splash in the light surf for hours on end! They came and laid with me, we played together, it was easy and beautiful! The sun was warm on our legs and flushed our faces. They were calm and happy to be ankle deep in the smooth warm sand, hair blowing across their little faces. It was one of those days I can only pray they remember as fondly as I know I will.

And to think next year will even be easier!! AAHHHH !!

38521_1445455589045_4111650_n

38800_1445458829126_5300865_n

37912_1445500430166_4862886_n

37978_1445660954179_7059025_n

The Power to Change

Freedom…

It’s crazy when you open yourself up, at the ripe old age of 34 (almost 35, but let’s save that for a later, more wine induced blog entry!) to learning new things about yourself, what you will find. Also crazy to think that as an “official adult” you can completely change yourself! I mean really, people say that all the time, but who honestly believes them? I know I didn’t.

But it’s sooooo true. People really can change. I’m living proof.

I used to be miserable, now I’m happy and content.

I used to dwell on all the crap that was stinking in my life, now I’m pleasantly surprised how much life blows my mind in a great way, everyday.

I used to be overweight, now…well now at least I’m a healthy weight and regardless am very happy with my appearance and body image. I’m training to run a marathon, a goal I’ve had for years, but would never actually tell anyone, because they would take one look at me and burst out laughing! Heck I would burst out laughing! But I’m Doing it!

I used to be financially destitute and now I’m on a plan that will change that part of mine and my children’s lives forever.

I used to have bright ideas, but never follow through with them. I would always envy people who could make their goals a reality, I never dreamed I could. I had tried countless times. Nothing EVER stuck! I just apparently came to the conclusion that I couldn’t. That I sucked. And you know what? I WAAAY did. I sucked! I started things I couldn’t finish. I was excited about a plan or idea or goal for all of five minutes, then that would die off and when work became required I talked myself out of it.

Or did I?

I realized today, that maybe…maybe I am better alone. When I’m with someone (well my ex-husband specifically) I let his negative energy corrupt what I thought I was capable of. If I thought the goal would get a laughable reaction from him, I would either push the goal aside, or agree with his assessment that I shouldn’t bother because clearly my track record proved I couldn’t accomplish much.

So I stopped speaking my ideas.
I stopped having ideas.
I stopped dreaming.

Being alone this last year, I haven’t had that negative energy around me. Most days I have no one to bounce ideas off of at all. Facebook is my friends and family. Most people don’t have time to be “real life” friends and family anymore…so I found if I put it out there, it was out there! And I became accountable to more than just myself. It made me say those goals out loud. It made me hear them, believe them, go after them. That network gave me encouragement and looking back over the past year, I’ve been able to verbalize and do things I literally NEVER dared to dream possible.
Words and thoughts are powerful things.

Words are powerful.
Thoughts are powerful.
Belief is powerful.
Faith is powerful.

It’s never too late to create the life you want. I am living proof of this. Every day I remind myself of where I was a year and a half ago and how grateful I am to be where I am now.

I live in gratitude.

And am happy to be, an ever better… me.

*Written by Sarah Centrella

I’m Proud Of You

I’m proud of you.
I see your efforts, I see your struggles and I’m proud of you.

Baby girl…

I watch you stand when your legs are weak.
I watch you play, under a pile of giggling monkeys. I hear them scream your name at the site of you. I see your eyes light up, at the site of them.
I’m proud of you.
I see you work, strive to make your mark. Hustle to provide for your babies and give them, and you the life only seen in day-dreams.
I see you DO it.

I’m proud of you.
I see you take on mountains, expectations that you didn’t dare give yourself. I see you meet them. I see you do what you believed impossible.
I see you fight.
I see you laugh.
I see your smile.
I see your heart is good, your outlook untainted by your past.
I see you move on. Recreate a life. Be.
I see you, and I’m proud of you.

I don’t know in life why it is that those simple 4 words are so hard for most people to say…but I think we go through life always wanting to hear them from someone. I try to say them and mean them often, to my friends and family…I realized today when a friend said them to me, how they are words I almost never hear, but must really need to. So is it cheating if based on this kind friends words, I remind myself??

 

Written by: Sarah Centrella

 

What I Want

They say if you don’t know exactly what it is you want, than you won’t know how to recognize it when you get it. To avoid that terrible tragedy, this is what I want….

I want to wake up in the morning, to freshly brewed coffee. Coffee brewed not by an automatic-timer, but by a thoughtful caring companion. Someone who knows that without black, piping hot coffee in the morning, I’m a hot mess!

I want to be held. I mean really held. Embraced. Squeezed. Enveloped in your arms. Made to feel safe and secure. At home. Lost in that basic human act of a loving hug. The kind of hug that you know, nothing in the world can touch you. You are safe. Everything’s going to be alright.

I want you to see the good in me. See when my intentions are pure, even if my actions are erratic.

I want you to see that the best part of me, is the part that cares for and loves my children, and that without them I would be nothing, shallow and drifting.

I want you to appreciate all the little things I do to let you know you are special to me. (And since this is a wish list, I want you to strive to do the same in return).

I want to laugh. Big belly laughs. Laughs that turn into tears. I want my cheeks to hurt from smiling and my eyes to sparkle.

I want to be surprised, in every possible way.

I want you to hold my hand in public, treat me like your arm candy. Let me rest my head on your shoulder, walk arm in arm with me. Be proud of me.

I want butterflies that shake me like a hurricane.

I want you to dance with me. Whenever, wherever for no reason, with or without music.

I want to be challenged. Question my decisions. Disagree with me. Tell me I’m wrong! Make a case. Convince me there is another way, (maybe even a better way). Don’t put up with my shit! If I get on your nerves tell me why.

When I push, push back. Hold your own, don’t let me scare you. I want you to be the rock I can lean on, the leader I can follow. The one who’s “got it covered”.

Listen to me. Remember what I say. Pay attention. I will remember everything about you, all those little details, all the things you say when you think I’m not paying attention. I will remember.

Be attentive. Find ways to show me that I’m an important part of your life.

I want to play together, grow together, push each other and learn from each other. I want to make you better and I want to be better for you.

I want fluid, not stagnant.

I want to trust you. Put my whole self in. Not just my toes, but completely be able to trust. Just let the fear go, and fall, no shoot. No back-up plan, just fall. Knowing the landing will be soft, because your arms are strong.

I want to be consoled when I’m inconsolable. Protected when I’m vulnerable.

I want to be cherished. Thought highly of. Trusted.

I want you to believe in me. Believe that I am capable of things I can’t even conceive of myself.

Support me. Dream with me. Value me.

I want to feel alive. I want you to feel energized and alive when you’re with me. I want to love this life, it’s the only one we have, I want not to waste it.

I want to cook for you, do your laundry, take care of you when you’re sick. The things most people hate, I want.

I want to take care of you, I want you to take care of me.

I want to be loved.
Madly.
Ridiculously.
Illogically…
loved.

Written by Sarah Centrella

Tagged with:

Solitary.

I’m crying and I don’t know why. I can’t stop and I don’t know why. It’s those ugly sobs. The kind you lie on the floor and curl into a ball for because it’s the only comfortable place to be.

I dreaded coming home tonight. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because I know how quite and still it will be when I unlock the door and turn on the light. I do though, I have to. I open the door, see the train track my three bubbling babies and I put together on the living room floor at 6 AM this morning, and I’m reminded.
Moments like these feel so solitary.

So uniquely solitary.

I fold to my knees begin picking up the wooden track, the little cars, the tiny engines, tears forming, sobs unstoppable.

One year ago tomorrow I lost a girlfriend to cancer. I broke down at my desk hearing the news. She was younger than me, with two small children. It was shocking and heart wrenching. A year ago I sat in the church at her wake sobbing, wondering if that was me where would my children go? Who would give them the life I promised them? I was awaiting biopsy results on thyroid cancer myself, results that still need to be redone quarterly and I was heartbroken and afraid.

I sit here in a pile of train tracks missing a life. A life of a girlfriend and all the potential possibilities she had. But missing my own life as well. In the midst of my tears I noticed her husband’s loving post on Facebook:

“One year ago tomorrow morning at 3:05 AM…we sat alone….I held your hand while you took your last breath. The kids and I will love you forever….we miss you….and your spirit will NEVER leave us.”

It breaks my heart to read, yet makes me feel silly for feeling alone in this moment. At least my aloneness is not his. But then I think, he can always love her, he can miss her, he can mourn her. I can do none of this in my situation. The one I shared 16 years of my life with is essentially worse than dead to me, because I was never given the chance, to grieve, or to miss or to mourn the end of a life shared together. It was just over in an instant, in wicked betrayal and deceit.

It’s times like these when I feel the most alone. When the comfort of a companion is hard to go without. When knowing someone knows you and still endures, even loves you, is priceless.

 

Written by Sarah Centrella

Top